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Today , Dressed In My Sexiest Nightie , I Asked My Boyfriend In The Most Sensual Voice Possible What He'd Like Me Do To 4 Him Tonight . His Eyed Widened , He Started Clapping Wildly And Then Shrieked , "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Yesterday, mah boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or heres something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML
Today, I decidd to surprise ma boyfriend by waking im up wit a blowjob, because e ad always told me tat it was a sexy fantasy of is . Wen e finally woke up, e got pissd off, rudely accusd me of interrupting is beauty sleep, ten soundly lay back down and fell asleep again . FML
I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly calld the waiter over an paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returnd, he broke up with me for ( emasculating ) him. fat FML
Today mah cat peed on mah bra !! I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work 4 mah 12-hour shift !! Now I'm trying to wash mah bra out in the sink an stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture !! Only 10 more hours to go an the smell of cat pee is still lingering !! FML
Friday 27 March 2015