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November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML

Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
277 comments

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11335) - you deserved it (27483)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

#20157115
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13391) - you deserved it (27434)

On 11/10/2012 at 2:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11560) - you deserved it (27407)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

#20142914
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6275) - you deserved it (27273)

On 11/01/2012 at 1:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML

#20167475
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9799) - you deserved it (27264)

On 11/18/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

#20184036
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20420) - you deserved it (27151)

On 11/29/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by comeuntome (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML

#20177683
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7091) - you deserved it (26472)

On 11/25/2012 at 2:12am - misc - by Jocelyn - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

#20162265
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7129) - you deserved it (26465)

On 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm - misc - by scaredinnyc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at work I was trying to be nice and give a customer a discount because she was having trouble finding money to pay for her food. Everybody behind her then demanded a discount as well. FML

#20147029
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13081) - you deserved it (26019)

On 11/04/2012 at 9:16am - work - by cassiebee - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up with a vague memory of buying something last night while drunk. According to my credit card summary I made a $270 purchase from a home shopping channel. I guess in 5-7 days I'll find out what it was. FML

#20147165
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9088) - you deserved it (25713)

On 11/04/2012 at 11:37am - money - by fnfantastic - United States (Indiana)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12539) - you deserved it (25331)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States



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