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November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

#20170605
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11395) - you deserved it (28930)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

#20177960
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6875) - you deserved it (28069)

On 11/25/2012 at 10:08am - health - by I'm stupid - United States (Illinois)

Today, my hair straightener broke. My husband suggested putting electrical tape on it because it was heat proof. I did and started straightening my hair. The supposed heat proof tape melted and got stuck in my hair. FML

#20145539
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7746) - you deserved it (27591)

On 11/03/2012 at 9:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

#20161561
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6348) - you deserved it (27187)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:23am - work - by foreveralone (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

#20161826
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7426) - you deserved it (26519)

On 11/13/2012 at 1:24pm - money - by bummed and broke - United States

Today, on an important call with a potential employer, he began to speak quieter and quieter until I couldn't hear him at all. When I finally hung up after waiting for 5 minutes, I realized that I had been pressing down on the volume button. FML

#20182071
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7419) - you deserved it (26400)

On 11/27/2012 at 11:58pm - work - by jkmartinjk - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

#20182175
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7928) - you deserved it (26335) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/28/2012 at 1:20am - health - by kise - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to see my favorite band. It was all amazing and great until I decided to go crowd surfing. I was maybe too heavy because people jumped away instead of catching me. I fell right on my tailbone. FML

#20166417
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6450) - you deserved it (26316)

On 11/17/2012 at 8:56am - health - by lekijkerd - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

#20146253
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4900) - you deserved it (25945)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by justcomesnaturally (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10267) - you deserved it (25625)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

#20142914
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5737) - you deserved it (25601)

On 11/01/2012 at 1:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

#20157115
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11680) - you deserved it (25163)

On 11/10/2012 at 2:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States



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