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November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

#20170605
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13315) - you deserved it (31492)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

#20170086
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14909) - you deserved it (31137)

On 11/19/2012 at 9:04pm - misc - by karmaquestionmark (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

#20161826
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8647) - you deserved it (29798)

On 11/13/2012 at 1:24pm - money - by bummed and broke - United States

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

#20162223
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7449) - you deserved it (29346)

On 11/13/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Z - Australia

Today, my hair straightener broke. My husband suggested putting electrical tape on it because it was heat proof. I did and started straightening my hair. The supposed heat proof tape melted and got stuck in my hair. FML

#20145539
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8314) - you deserved it (29252)

On 11/03/2012 at 9:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

#20161561
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7002) - you deserved it (29052)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:23am - work - by foreveralone (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

#20146253
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5679) - you deserved it (28804)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by justcomesnaturally (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

#20182175
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8745) - you deserved it (28434) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/28/2012 at 1:20am - health - by kise - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

#20170839
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9878) - you deserved it (28415)

On 11/20/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, on an important call with a potential employer, he began to speak quieter and quieter until I couldn't hear him at all. When I finally hung up after waiting for 5 minutes, I realized that I had been pressing down on the volume button. FML

#20182071
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7910) - you deserved it (27992)

On 11/27/2012 at 11:58pm - work - by jkmartinjk - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to see my favorite band. It was all amazing and great until I decided to go crowd surfing. I was maybe too heavy because people jumped away instead of catching me. I fell right on my tailbone. FML

#20166417
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6861) - you deserved it (27471)

On 11/17/2012 at 8:56am - health - by lekijkerd - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11236) - you deserved it (27274)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

#20142914
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6206) - you deserved it (27081)

On 11/01/2012 at 1:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)



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