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November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my boss I could handle running the floor buffer. Thirty seconds in, I lost control and became pinned to the wall by its force. In my state of shock and embarrassment, I didn't realize the only thing keeping me trapped was my grip on the accelerator. FML

#20164988
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5047) - you deserved it (13135)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:04am - work - by rubberduck1 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

#20174722
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43825) - you deserved it (12949)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML

#20162727
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6435) - you deserved it (12633)

On 11/14/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by talker (man) - United States (California)

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

#20180681
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21320) - you deserved it (11595)

On 11/27/2012 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

#20147226
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15955) - you deserved it (10723)

On 11/04/2012 at 12:12pm - animals - by spiderwoman (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

#20176354
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33180) - you deserved it (10596)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:54am - intimacy - by ladylol (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML

#20176711
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8535) - you deserved it (9938)

On 11/24/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by Anonymous Cunt (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

#20159285
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20691) - you deserved it (9879)

On 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm - love - by notalovestory (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

#20142410
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16544) - you deserved it (9325)

On 11/01/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I discovered that no matter how hot and exhausted you are, being blasted in the face with a high pressure hose is always more painful than refreshing. FML

#20165112
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14396) - you deserved it (8916)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

#20184636
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29396) - you deserved it (8495)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by lizzard0416 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was cleaning out my son's room, I came across his diary. Opening it out of curiosity, I found ramblings about how blacks, Jews, and other "inferior breeds" should be forcibly sterilized "for the common good." FML

#20147982
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25937) - you deserved it (8407)

On 11/04/2012 at 9:08pm - misc - by Ugh - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend admitted to me that she has been sleeping with someone on her girls basketball team, which at first turned me on. Then I found out he's the team manager. FML

#20164114
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24371) - you deserved it (8011)

On 11/15/2012 at 8:37am - love - by SweetStuff88 (man) - United States



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