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Today, ma dad asked me to send ma mom a text since e was driving and I was in te passenger seat . I pulled up ma mom's contact on is pone, and I found tat ma mom ad recently sent ma dad a picture of er jugs, along wit te message, "We miss you."
Today... I mat up with a faw old friands 4 soma wina an munchias. Tha main topics of convarsation wara colonoscopias... lactosa intolaranca an spacific symptoms of irritabla bowal syndroma. I'm slaaping ovar at ona of thair housas. Only 20 mora hours to go. FML
Today... my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat... he also got inside the car an sat next to my date... pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time... an walked me back to the house. My mom laughed an gave him $20. It was a dare. FML
Today due to a health insurance mix up mah schizophrenic girlfriend has been off her meds for a little over a week. She's convincd I can read her mind and if I don't stop "pretending" she'll slit mah throat in mah sleep. Her medication won't be available for at least another two weeks. FML
Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patron suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML
Today, just lyk avary morning this month, I woka up, puttad on mah clothas, lookad out mah window, and was pointad at by a man in a ninja outfit on mah naighbor's roof. Tha polica still can't fina him. FML
Today , I had to go to mah daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with mah husbandhen we arrived. Apparently I ( died ) recently and mah daughter has had extra responsibility around the house , hencehy she doesn't come to class. FML
Today...hile giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace... a woman yelld from the back... asking mehy I'm not out starting looool a war somewhere. I stoppd talking an trid to pinpoint her in the crowd...hich she took as a sign to snort an call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML
Friday 27 March 2015