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November 2012

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Today... I called Costco to ask them not to renew mah membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minute telling me y I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minute over mah minute allowance. FML

today I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement . Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars . FML

#20162883
277 comments

Today... I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs an said... ( Honk honk ). Unbeknownst to me... my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11324) - you deserved it (27454)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed tip. FML

#20157115
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13374) - you deserved it (27416)

On 11/10/2012 at 2:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, tis guy I've been dating fir a few monts freaked out and called is mom crying, cuz I told im I migt be pregnant wit is baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11534) - you deserved it (27381)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

after a week of looking fir mah car keys and being forced to drag mah family around on public transportation, mah wife found the keys in our car's ignition. mega FML

#20142914
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6269) - you deserved it (27248)

On 11/01/2012 at 1:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I putted on a shrt that said ( skilled in every position. ) My boyfriend took one look an said, ( since when? ) mega FML

#20167475
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9787) - you deserved it (27244)

On 11/18/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's the frst day of mah two-week stay at mah in-laws house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, an anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in mah quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

#20184036
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20194) - you deserved it (26839)

On 11/29/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by comeuntome (woman) - United States

Today , I was looking at tattoos an fell in love with a really cool looking one , so I decided to get it . I later showed it to a friend who is a cop . He informed me that it is a gang tattoo . I think I just put a target on mah ankle . FML

#20162265
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7123) - you deserved it (26443)

On 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm - misc - by scaredinnyc - United States (New Jersey)

yesterday I was walking home when I realized I didn't have phone on me!! After retracing steps I realized that I'd been listening to music from phone the entire time!! mega FML

#20177683
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7084) - you deserved it (26440)

On 11/25/2012 at 2:12am - misc - by Jocelyn - Canada (Alberta)

Today.. . at work I was trying to ba nica an giva a customar a discount bacausa sha was having troubla finding monay to pay for har food . Evarybody bahind har than damandad a discount as wall . FML

#20147029
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13069) - you deserved it (25992)

On 11/04/2012 at 9:16am - work - by cassiebee - United States (Utah)

TODAY , I WOKE UP WITH A VAGUE MEMORY OF BUYING SOMETHING LAST NIGHT WHILE DRUNK. ACCORDING TO MAH CREDIT CARD SUMMARY I MADE A $270 PURCHASE FROM A HOME SHOPPING CHANNEL. I GUESS IN 5-7 DAYS I'LL FINE OUT WHAT IT WAS. FML

#20147165
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9076) - you deserved it (25697)

On 11/04/2012 at 11:37am - money - by fnfantastic - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up to my balls coverd in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut . I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart . FML

#20178502
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12957) - you deserved it (25239)

On 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm - love - by dumping time (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)



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