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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

#20126149
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16667) - you deserved it (5021)

On 10/21/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

#20136968
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21909) - you deserved it (4944)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

#20123973
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17414) - you deserved it (4937)

On 10/19/2012 at 2:27pm - love - by marriedtoacunt (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

#20133155
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19166) - you deserved it (4913)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by mental - United States

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

#20096548
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16010) - you deserved it (4819)

On 10/01/2012 at 8:50am - misc - by awks - United States (Virginia)

Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML

#20106995
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23089) - you deserved it (4771)

On 10/08/2012 at 3:14am - love - by stoych (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

#20131666
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25267) - you deserved it (4757)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

#20095626
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28949) - you deserved it (4733)

On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

#20128340
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25805) - you deserved it (4730)

On 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by jesushelpme (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19671) - you deserved it (4660)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, I completely shaved my head as a gesture for my boyfriend's mother, who was suffering from cancer and having a terrible time undergoing chemotherapy. Turns out she doesn't even have cancer, and my boyfriend thought I wouldn't have the guts to do it. FML

#20110360
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31402) - you deserved it (4650)

On 10/10/2012 at 11:05am - misc - by horriblejoke (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I forgot to pay for my train ride for the first time. Today was also the first time I've ever seen transit security checking for people's tickets and kicking offenders off. FML

#20125823
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17879) - you deserved it (4603)

On 10/20/2012 at 9:59pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25819) - you deserved it (4535)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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