Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

#20102886
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22233) - you deserved it (11947)

On 10/05/2012 at 12:40pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I bought professional hair clippers to shave down below, thinking it would be safer than using a razor. Let's just say the bathroom now looks like a murder scene, and it's going to be a while before I have sex again. FML

#20124733
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27674) - you deserved it (11713)

On 10/20/2012 at 12:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

#20102528
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18494) - you deserved it (11589)

On 10/05/2012 at 4:14am - health - by Darla (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

#20119331
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20095) - you deserved it (11296)

On 10/16/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by bargainshopper (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I was singing one of my favorite songs in my car while at a red light. A guy made it a point to get my attention and said, "If you're really going to sing that bad, you should probably roll your windows up." FML

#20126033
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16735) - you deserved it (10867)

On 10/21/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

#20129928
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31625) - you deserved it (10233)

On 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm - intimacy - by Andrew - United States

Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

#20117570
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28149) - you deserved it (9571)

On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

#20102964
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27398) - you deserved it (9433)

On 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wokingham)

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

#20141026
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21481) - you deserved it (9354)

On 10/30/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
520 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75591) - you deserved it (8825)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend and tell him that the red bumps around my nipples was heat rash, rather than admit it was actually razor burn. FML

#20110590
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24991) - you deserved it (8695)

On 10/10/2012 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by hairynips (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

#20110068
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31157) - you deserved it (8528)

On 10/10/2012 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Depression... (woman) - United States

Today, I was babysitting, and we were playing a game. Because he was little, I let him win all the games. He then turned to me and said, "You're really bad at this." I got very defensive and won the next game, and was actually proud that I beat a 3-year-old. FML

#20117136
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17811) - you deserved it (7961)

On 10/14/2012 at 8:45pm - kids - by amiliaroberts123 (woman) - United States (Virginia)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: