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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

#20129288
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28279) - you deserved it (4565)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

#20127903
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17650) - you deserved it (4533)

On 10/22/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by sadguyme (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29856) - you deserved it (4530)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband sweetly asked me, "You know what I'd really like to do if I had an extra $4,000?" Expecting a romantic answer, I asked what. He said, "I'd get you a tummy tuck." He still can't figure out what he said wrong. FML

#20125706
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23041) - you deserved it (4523)

On 10/20/2012 at 8:22pm - love - by cargaljen (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML

#20105161
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18211) - you deserved it (4514)

On 10/07/2012 at 1:03am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I noticed a rather small man being harassed by a rather large man, so I tried to help out and break it up. The small guy punched me in the face and said, "Mind your business!" The large guy laughed and fist-bumped him. FML

#20138280
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18622) - you deserved it (4502)

On 10/29/2012 at 3:55am - misc - by Nice Guy (man) - United States (California)

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

#20102571
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21292) - you deserved it (4453)

On 10/05/2012 at 5:47am - work - by desperate (woman) - Malta

Today, I realized that every targeted advertisement on my Facebook involves gym memberships and diet pills. FML

#20096947
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15365) - you deserved it (4302)

On 10/01/2012 at 4:04pm - health - by liveviathetredmill - United States (New York)

Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML

#20130128
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22110) - you deserved it (4292)

On 10/23/2012 at 6:00pm - kids - by Pokemon problems - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML

#20116072
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23397) - you deserved it (4284)

On 10/14/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by stop it ninja - United States (Virginia)

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

#20100208
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19641) - you deserved it (4266)

On 10/03/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by Can you say "bandwagon"? (man) - United States

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

#20138654
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16833) - you deserved it (4263)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

#20106895
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23178) - you deserved it (4262)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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