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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

#20128340
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28065) - you deserved it (5004)

On 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by jesushelpme (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

#20139255
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30014) - you deserved it (4972)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

#20108214
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24627) - you deserved it (4961)

On 10/08/2012 at 9:55pm - love - by hnickell93 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was kicked out of a job interview at a clothing store for "not dressing appropriately" for the occasion. I'd purchased my outfit from the same store just two days prior with my last $100. FML

#20113680
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22888) - you deserved it (4918)

On 10/12/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by ClothesHorse (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

#20138030
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23617) - you deserved it (4901)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:23am - animals - by lifelike (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

#20099894
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35894) - you deserved it (4870)

On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29089) - you deserved it (4847)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I contemplated the ratio of cats I have to friends I have. I need more friends. FML

#20122007
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16762) - you deserved it (4843)

On 10/18/2012 at 1:33am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I completely shaved my head as a gesture for my boyfriend's mother, who was suffering from cancer and having a terrible time undergoing chemotherapy. Turns out she doesn't even have cancer, and my boyfriend thought I wouldn't have the guts to do it. FML

#20110360
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32815) - you deserved it (4814)

On 10/10/2012 at 11:05am - misc - by horriblejoke (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

#20125284
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20859) - you deserved it (4741)

On 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by nahalDZ - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

#20129288
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29796) - you deserved it (4720)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML

#20105161
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19564) - you deserved it (4696)

On 10/07/2012 at 1:03am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

#20127580
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19339) - you deserved it (4655)

On 10/21/2012 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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