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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

#20136968
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21762) - you deserved it (4928)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

#20133155
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18814) - you deserved it (4875)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by mental - United States

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

#20123973
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17001) - you deserved it (4876)

On 10/19/2012 at 2:27pm - love - by marriedtoacunt (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

#20096548
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15853) - you deserved it (4799)

On 10/01/2012 at 8:50am - misc - by awks - United States (Virginia)

Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML

#20106995
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22945) - you deserved it (4755)

On 10/08/2012 at 3:14am - love - by stoych (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

#20095626
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28735) - you deserved it (4716)

On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

#20136326
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21761) - you deserved it (4664)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Ceej - United States (Michigan)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19499) - you deserved it (4649)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25633) - you deserved it (4522)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

#20139255
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26321) - you deserved it (4488)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I completely shaved my head as a gesture for my boyfriend's mother, who was suffering from cancer and having a terrible time undergoing chemotherapy. Turns out she doesn't even have cancer, and my boyfriend thought I wouldn't have the guts to do it. FML

#20110360
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29833) - you deserved it (4481)

On 10/10/2012 at 11:05am - misc - by horriblejoke (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

#20138030
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20217) - you deserved it (4399)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:23am - animals - by lifelike (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

#20131666
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22479) - you deserved it (4340)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)



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