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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML

#20069784
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6817) - you deserved it (19931)

On 09/13/2012 at 1:19am - work - by jcedarholm (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

#20087001
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15878) - you deserved it (19898)

On 09/24/2012 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by foreveralone (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

#20083501
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10500) - you deserved it (17985)

On 09/22/2012 at 12:22pm - love - by pimpdaddyX (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

#20060961
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8770) - you deserved it (17550)

On 09/06/2012 at 8:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

#20093112
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16170) - you deserved it (16780)

On 09/29/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by mustachioed (woman) - United States

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

#20071299
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21448) - you deserved it (13175)

On 09/14/2012 at 4:26am - love - by TallGal (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

#20081762
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23802) - you deserved it (12991)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

#20053940
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24218) - you deserved it (12851)

On 09/02/2012 at 11:38am - intimacy - by scot - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

#20063309
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20268) - you deserved it (12427)

On 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by dating a fucking idiot (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

#20084737
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29967) - you deserved it (11620)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34356) - you deserved it (10652)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to clean my face of unwanted visitors, and spent my shower popping the pimples on my cheeks. Twenty minutes later, I remembered that I was showering ahead of a date with my girlfriend. My cheeks now look like the crater-filled surface of Mars. FML

#20066193
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16365) - you deserved it (10535)

On 09/10/2012 at 12:19pm - health - by greeple - Singapore

Today, I fell asleep in class. One minute I'm listening to a lecture, and twenty-five minutes later, I'm waking up screaming in agony in front of everyone after biting my tongue in my sleep. FML

#20092439
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16116) - you deserved it (9847)

On 09/28/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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