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September 2012

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Today, I was trying to convince mah flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten!! After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stard at me and said, "You really ned a penis inside you now and again." FML

#20087001
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15806) - you deserved it (19852)

On 09/24/2012 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by foreveralone (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today...hile I was leaving the grocery store..!! I realized mah ignition key was missing from mah pocket!! After searching the car and retracing mah steps..!! I walked all the way home!! Later...hen we went to retrieve the car..!! the key was sitting in plain sight on the passenger seat!! FML

Today.. . I was refused employment at a liquor store . Their reason? I'm a regular customer and their afraid I'll drink all their profits . FML

#20060961
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8734) - you deserved it (17445)

On 09/06/2012 at 8:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, trying to be smooth, I slippd the grl I like a piece of paper with mah phone number written on it. A while later, she slippd it back to me an left the room. FML

#20083501
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9825) - you deserved it (16723)

On 09/22/2012 at 12:22pm - love - by pimpdaddyX (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

TODAY, I TRID TO BLEACH MY UPPER LIP HAIR. I NOW HAVE A BRIGHT RD MUSTACHE. FML

#20093112
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15788) - you deserved it (16328)

On 09/29/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by mustachioed (woman) - United States

Today, while having sex with grlfriend in the bathroom, we hered a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

#20053940
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23736) - you deserved it (12679)

On 09/02/2012 at 11:38am - intimacy - by scot - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, ( 5-second rule ) and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

#20081762
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22713) - you deserved it (12567)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today... I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1... which tends to put potential dates off... so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off mah description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. big fat FML

#20071299
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19720) - you deserved it (12469)

On 09/14/2012 at 4:26am - love - by TallGal (woman) - United States (Arizona)

yesterday father bet me $200 that since boyfriend is ( such a stupid shit, ) he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map . I gladly accepted the bet . Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up . FML

#20063309
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20199) - you deserved it (12406)

On 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by dating a fucking idiot (woman) - United States

TODAY , MY GIRLFRIEND LEARNED THAT CALLING SOMEONE A "STUPID BITCH" UNDER YUR BREATHHILE STARING RIGHT AT THEM FROM SIX FEET AWAY WORKS VERY DIFFERENTLY IN MY HOUSE THAN AT HERS. SHE ALSO LEARNED MY SISTER HAS ONE HELL OF A PUNCH. FML

#20084737
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29355) - you deserved it (11449)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Yesterday, my dog, who has been specially traind to go 4 help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34278) - you deserved it (10626)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

TODAY, I DECIDED TO CLEAN MAH FACE OF UNWANTED VISITORS, AN SPENT MAH SHOWER POPPING THE PIMPLE ON MAH CHEEKS !! TWENTY MINUTE LATER, I REMEMBERED THAT I WAS SHOWERING AHEAD OF A DATE WITH MAH GIRLFRIEND !! MY CHEEK NOW LOOK LIKE THE CRATER-FILLED SURFACE OF MARS !! FML

#20066193
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16297) - you deserved it (10508)

On 09/10/2012 at 12:19pm - health - by greeple - Singapore

Today I fell asleep in class. One minute I'm listening to a lecture an twenty-five minute later I'm waking up screaming in agony in front of everyone after biting my tongue in my sleep.

#20092439
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16046) - you deserved it (9823)

On 09/28/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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