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September 2012

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Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19128) - you deserved it (24566)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

#20094526
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7921) - you deserved it (24519)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by oohrahgal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

#20080189
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8428) - you deserved it (24442)

On 09/20/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I sprained my ankle trying to prove that I can walk in high heels. FML

#20060059
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7754) - you deserved it (24040)

On 09/06/2012 at 2:46am - health - by dumbass (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML

#20075179
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11151) - you deserved it (23520) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/16/2012 at 6:50pm - animals - by romainmain - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML

#20064184
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8122) - you deserved it (23400)

On 09/09/2012 at 2:15am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was cycling with my uncle and became increasingly frustrated as we got further and further from our intended destination. It took me a while to figure out that I had somehow lost my uncle and was following a complete stranger. FML

#20066014
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9917) - you deserved it (22875)

On 09/10/2012 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

#20057702
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7118) - you deserved it (22304)

On 09/04/2012 at 6:02pm - misc - by CantPublish - United States

Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML

Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

#20063186
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8928) - you deserved it (22200)

On 09/08/2012 at 1:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, while I was leaving the grocery store, I realized my ignition key was missing from my pocket. After searching the car and retracing my steps, I walked all the way home. Later, when we went to retrieve the car, the key was sitting in plain sight on the passenger seat. FML

Today, I collected my students' notes in class to check them. One girl, who is always drawing weird anime crap in her sketchbook, turned in just one piece of paper that read, "FUCK YOUR CLASS." FML

#20076781
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18693) - you deserved it (20383)

On 09/17/2012 at 8:21pm - work - by Mrs. Teacher (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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