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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

#20055735
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6688) - you deserved it (31436)

On 09/03/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my little sister came home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML

#20053719
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13243) - you deserved it (30798)

On 09/02/2012 at 6:07am - kids - by The Horrible Older Sister - United States (Arizona)

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

#20080363
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20370) - you deserved it (29834)

On 09/20/2012 at 3:00am - intimacy - by myself - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

#20095198
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11544) - you deserved it (29560)

On 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

#20066828
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7733) - you deserved it (29259)

On 09/10/2012 at 10:04pm - misc - by mrs14 - United States

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

#20091625
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19129) - you deserved it (29123)

On 09/27/2012 at 10:41pm - love - by thatwas10yearsago (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my crush asked to use my phone so he could Google something. Flattered that he wanted to use my phone, I agreed. After he was done, he handed it back with a weird look. I later realized he had found himself in my top searches. FML

#20058304
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8983) - you deserved it (28986)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:29am - misc - by Gigi (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

#20071482
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17302) - you deserved it (28570)

On 09/14/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

#20083352
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28881) - you deserved it (28532)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:06am - intimacy - by holyshitbatman - United States (Illinois)

Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML

#20060053
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8156) - you deserved it (27781)

On 09/06/2012 at 2:39am - misc - by ohhhemmgee - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

#20080189
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9667) - you deserved it (27316)

On 09/20/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

#20068225
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13619) - you deserved it (27204)

On 09/11/2012 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by Iguana (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

#20062154
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14479) - you deserved it (27037)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:32pm - misc - by Gurl - Ireland (Dublin)



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