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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

#20080363
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16382) - you deserved it (24395)

On 09/20/2012 at 3:00am - intimacy - by myself - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

#20071482
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14315) - you deserved it (23913)

On 09/14/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

#20066828
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5636) - you deserved it (23493)

On 09/10/2012 at 10:04pm - misc - by mrs14 - United States

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

#20083352
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22810) - you deserved it (23482)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:06am - intimacy - by holyshitbatman - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

#20095198
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8499) - you deserved it (23326)

On 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

#20091625
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14803) - you deserved it (23128)

On 09/27/2012 at 10:41pm - love - by thatwas10yearsago (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my crush asked to use my phone so he could Google something. Flattered that he wanted to use my phone, I agreed. After he was done, he handed it back with a weird look. I later realized he had found himself in my top searches. FML

#20058304
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6868) - you deserved it (23047)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:29am - misc - by Gigi (woman) - United States

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

#20062154
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11721) - you deserved it (22690)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:32pm - misc - by Gurl - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

#20068225
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10061) - you deserved it (22426)

On 09/11/2012 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by Iguana (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I had to give a speech as part of my campaign for school captain. I was rather happy with it and so I told another candidate my speech. Apparently it was a good idea as minutes later that same candidate stole my entire speech, leaving me looking like a complete idiot. FML

#20058690
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6713) - you deserved it (22377)

On 09/05/2012 at 9:51am - misc - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17089) - you deserved it (22229)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML

#20069676
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3853) - you deserved it (21385)

On 09/12/2012 at 11:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I took a pregnancy test. I was disappointed it was negative, as my fiancé and I have been together for four years and have a strong relationship. He danced with happiness when he discovered the test was negative and tried to high-five me. FML

#20094767
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10793) - you deserved it (21263)

On 09/30/2012 at 5:30am - love - by BeforeItWasCool - United Kingdom



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