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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

#20051425
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12493) - you deserved it (36084)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

#20053590
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12934) - you deserved it (34747)

On 09/02/2012 at 2:41am - intimacy - by screamer - United States (California)

Today, I had to give a speech as part of my campaign for school captain. I was rather happy with it and so I told another candidate my speech. Apparently it was a good idea as minutes later that same candidate stole my entire speech, leaving me looking like a complete idiot. FML

#20058690
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9201) - you deserved it (33648)

On 09/05/2012 at 9:51am - misc - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML

#20069676
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6014) - you deserved it (32840)

On 09/12/2012 at 11:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML

#20089382
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8325) - you deserved it (31822)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:23am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

#20078695
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7673) - you deserved it (31311)

On 09/19/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by unaware - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

#20055119
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5394) - you deserved it (31268)

On 09/03/2012 at 1:24am - money - by DrunkenShopper (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

#20087243
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16771) - you deserved it (31178)

On 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by Fingkids - United States

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

#20062588
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14995) - you deserved it (31036)

On 09/08/2012 at 12:03am - intimacy - by sasquatch (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML

#20073029
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6538) - you deserved it (30861)

On 09/15/2012 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

#20068483
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8720) - you deserved it (30410)

On 09/12/2012 at 1:40am - misc - by hahagirl (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out there's a rumor going around that my smoking hot co-worker and I had sex over the weekend. I'm not nearly as pissed off about the rumor as I am by the fact that I can't remember it because I was too drunk. FML

#20069142
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10871) - you deserved it (30182)

On 09/12/2012 at 5:58pm - intimacy - by bruisedego31 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

#20055735
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6205) - you deserved it (30104)

On 09/03/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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