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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

#20066250
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16987) - you deserved it (67905)

On 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by killmenow - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML

#20083093
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6846) - you deserved it (54605)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:24am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I figured out how serious my weight problem really is when my boyfriend had to lift a fat roll before he could enter me. FML

#20067540
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12923) - you deserved it (52788)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by gemma - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML

#20074444
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7796) - you deserved it (52168)

On 09/16/2012 at 11:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at a supermarket entrance, a seemingly drunk old lady said, "Sir?" as I passed by. I just ignored her and walked in. When I walked out with my groceries fifteen minutes later, several people were standing around her, calling for an ambulance. She'd passed out on the ground. FML

#20057390
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8296) - you deserved it (51622)

On 09/04/2012 at 1:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

#20056763
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8413) - you deserved it (51147)

On 09/04/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Cherrish it - United States (California)

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19315) - you deserved it (46945)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

#20057350
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6704) - you deserved it (46405)

On 09/04/2012 at 12:44pm - love - by noname1025 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went out to a club, hoping to score. I'd read about a trick pickup artists use called "negging" and decided to try it out. As I finished complimenting a girl for being brave enough to have not made much of an effort with her makeup, she slammed her knee between my legs. FML

#20062299
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4448) - you deserved it (44778)

On 09/07/2012 at 8:26pm - misc - by scumbag i guess - United States (Texas)

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

#20092519
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11995) - you deserved it (44774)

On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I got mad at my parents and threatened to run away. Things got so bad that I packed a bag and left, planning to hide in my front yard to teach them a lesson. It's been two hours, and I'm still standing behind a bush in front of my house while they make no effort to look for me. FML

#20072843
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7696) - you deserved it (42606)

On 09/15/2012 at 11:37am - misc - by Rowan Curry - United States (California)

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

#20075636
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7383) - you deserved it (40243)

On 09/17/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by GN (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML

#20078928
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7637) - you deserved it (38408)

On 09/19/2012 at 5:27am - love - by pussyface96 (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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