Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6906) - you deserved it (109032)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4529) - you deserved it (51562)
On 08/23/2012 at 9:42am - misc - by TheBeautifulOne (woman) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4930) - you deserved it (40305)
On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I posted a Facebook status on how I hated the new Batman movie. I'm now single, and have received multiple threats. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14678) - you deserved it (35919)
On 08/08/2012 at 4:39pm - misc - by Deaththreat101 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10614) - you deserved it (32526)
On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4326) - you deserved it (30643)
On 08/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by FutureMarine3658 - United States (Utah)
Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12241) - you deserved it (28003)
On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5240) - you deserved it (27811)
On 08/16/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, what I thought would be a romantic sleepover with the guy I like quickly turned into hell on earth when his girlfriend showed up. I had to scale the fire escape in my underwear so I could get back to my car in one piece. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7490) - you deserved it (26446)
On 08/04/2012 at 4:05pm - love - by nikki - Greece (Kikladhes)
Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11436) - you deserved it (25947)
On 08/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Bethany (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12703) - you deserved it (25888)
On 08/23/2012 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Rotarius (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I decided to have some fun by joining a Harry Potter forum and making a thread saying it's all for little kids. When I checked back later, my post had been edited into me tearfully coming out of the closet, and some guy had said he'd passed my details on to Anonymous. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3735) - you deserved it (23005)
On 08/05/2012 at 4:21pm - misc - by icybrent94 (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)
Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4254) - you deserved it (22664)
On 08/09/2012 at 5:42pm - work - by sincerely depressed. - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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