Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awake during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15368) - you deserved it (7352)
On 06/03/2012 at 4:27pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20697) - you deserved it (7341)
Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20712) - you deserved it (7100)
On 06/12/2012 at 7:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16078) - you deserved it (6942)
On 06/21/2012 at 2:19pm - love - by igiveup (man) - United States
Today, I shaved my legs. I received endless compliments about how great they looked, and how jealous all the girls were. I'm a guy who shaved them for a themed party, for which I dressed up as a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14015) - you deserved it (6853)
On 06/26/2012 at 12:16pm - misc - by eviltwigster (man) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10392) - you deserved it (6814)
On 06/10/2012 at 3:46am - misc - by yeyt209 - United States (North Dakota)
Today, my girlfriend asked me if I loved her. I tried to be cute and romantic and responded with a quote from the Notebook, which I watched with her yesterday. After I said, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird," she broke up with me because I was "phony and unoriginal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19415) - you deserved it (6745)
On 06/11/2012 at 1:25am - love - by thanksnicksparks (man) - United States
Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture, he sent it back to me with a mustache on my face from that iPhone app and told me he likes it much better that way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17778) - you deserved it (6738)
On 06/27/2012 at 12:58am - intimacy - by maggie74 - United States (Connecticut)
Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16184) - you deserved it (6526)
On 06/08/2012 at 10:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I realized I say "sorry" more than anything else during sex with my girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17218) - you deserved it (6361)
On 06/30/2012 at 2:21am - intimacy - by mpsteve137 - United States (Georgia)
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22418) - you deserved it (6169)
On 06/21/2012 at 1:40am - kids - by Bad Mommy - United States (California)
Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12482) - you deserved it (6047)
On 06/15/2012 at 12:41pm - misc - by eminem blows cock (woman) - Ireland (Kerry)
Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20066) - you deserved it (5948)
On 06/22/2012 at 10:57pm - misc - by GM38 - United States (Florida)
Monday 20 May 2013
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