Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse was the lady I had a one night stand with 3 nights ago, and yes she remembered me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7766) - you deserved it (116623)
On 05/06/2012 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by T3STI (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (4671) - you deserved it (63471)
On 05/02/2012 at 12:22pm - love - by f*ck (man) - United States
Today, a repairman came to fix my couch, which is under warranty because the frame had broken in multiple places. To ensure I got a new couch out of the deal, I stabbed multiple holes into the cushion. The guy fixed the frame, but said there was nothing he could do about lacerations on the sofa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3068) - you deserved it (60474)
On 05/02/2012 at 8:43pm - misc - by grovage - United States
Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8407) - you deserved it (49769)
On 05/12/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Hunter101 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I finally summed up the courage to break up with my abusively controlling girlfriend. I don't know what I was thinking, but instead of leaving as a free man, I left as an engaged one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14657) - you deserved it (37221)
On 05/30/2012 at 6:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Lombardia)
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10990) - you deserved it (37154) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5252) - you deserved it (36091)
On 05/18/2012 at 3:41am - health - by TLJ321 -
Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4910) - you deserved it (33743)
On 05/18/2012 at 2:07am - misc - by Karmaisabitch - United States (Colorado)
Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11571) - you deserved it (31667)
On 05/08/2012 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was reading a book on paper for the first time in maybe a month. I had to stop at a word I did not recognise. Because I'm so used to using a Kindle, I tried to get the definition by pressing it. I had my finger on the word for a few seconds before I realised it was paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5381) - you deserved it (29919)
On 05/17/2012 at 2:57pm - misc - by Bilze - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10054) - you deserved it (29161)
On 05/04/2012 at 8:49am - health - by authorsubmit - United States
Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6162) - you deserved it (28806)
On 05/13/2012 at 2:26am - work - by fired - United States (Oregon)
Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7625) - you deserved it (28326)
On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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