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February 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a fancy dinner to celebrate our anniversary. When the waitress came, we instantly recognized each other. She was the girl I'd had a one night stand with a few weeks before. FML

#19066381
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7390) - you deserved it (98173)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

#19059244
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7820) - you deserved it (53889)

On 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States

Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

#19042299
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6722) - you deserved it (47323)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm - work - by great - United States

Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML

#19064415
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8253) - you deserved it (42310)

On 02/13/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by SpLo0gIeR - United States

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

#19156948
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7315) - you deserved it (39039)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

#19118368
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11686) - you deserved it (38207)

On 02/19/2012 at 10:00pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML

#19187510
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13330) - you deserved it (36894)

On 02/29/2012 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while driving to work in heavy traffic, I got so into the song I was listening to that I tapped my foot on the gas to the beat. I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

#18963505
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5883) - you deserved it (36456)

On 01/31/2012 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

#19121013
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6838) - you deserved it (35087)

On 02/20/2012 at 5:01am - misc - by elizabethyeo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I sneaked off work early. As I was in the elevator on the way down to leave, it stopped at my boss's floor, and he got in. FML

#19025200
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4932) - you deserved it (33759)

On 02/08/2012 at 8:26am - work - by ronz -

Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML

#19138431
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5167) - you deserved it (33056)

On 02/22/2012 at 11:47am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single and jobless. FML

#19013496
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11656) - you deserved it (32274)

On 02/06/2012 at 9:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was so busy checking my phone for live bus arrival times I didn't notice the bus pull up, let the people beside me on and drive away. FML

#19149317
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5244) - you deserved it (31892)

On 02/23/2012 at 8:54pm - misc - by thisguy - Canada



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