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September 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

#21256258
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17073) - you deserved it (45423)

On 09/11/2014 at 11:44am - misc - by hockusa3 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I wrecked my car because my mom texted me, telling me not to text and drive. FML

#21249597
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22707) - you deserved it (39756)

On 09/01/2014 at 10:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my car was stolen from my driveway. I reported it to the police, the insurance company, and my neighbors, and begged for help via social media. As I walked to catch a bus, I saw my car parked outside my school. I forgot I left it there last night. FML

#21256874
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19770) - you deserved it (39723)

On 09/12/2014 at 10:32am - misc - by uppiskalle - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

#21252533
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15530) - you deserved it (35726)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

#21251320
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16714) - you deserved it (31109)

On 09/03/2014 at 6:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I received a package in the mail. It was a workout and weight-loss plan that I ordered last week. I finished an entire pizza and pint of ice-cream as I read the guidelines. FML

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

#21256734
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19681) - you deserved it (25131)

On 09/12/2014 at 1:50am - misc - by oops... - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

#21258033
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30705) - you deserved it (17705)

On 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

#21252547
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34001) - you deserved it (15998)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

#21257293
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31678) - you deserved it (15766)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:29am - misc - by Nat - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML

#21256116
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41947) - you deserved it (15301)

On 09/11/2014 at 2:33am - misc - by lolwut - United States (Oregon)

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

#21250852
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33146) - you deserved it (12731)

On 09/02/2014 at 10:41pm - misc - by akieferr - United States

Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML

#21261280
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31346) - you deserved it (11867)

On 09/19/2014 at 2:34pm - kids - by hypercrite dad (man) - United Kingdom



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