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June 2016

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Today, I broke up with my girlfriend for another girl. This other girl helped me break up with her so we could date. After it was all done, she promptly rejected me and in front of everyone, saying how much of a douche I was for leaving my girlfriend for another girl. FML

by hlewrn / 06/21/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2016 at 10:09am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

by larsn / 06/03/2016 at 4:32pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

by Medfail / 06/20/2016 at 3:13am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Health

Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML

by Crushgonewrong / 06/22/2016 at 5:42pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, as a dentist, I was performing simple tooth extraction when I realized that the X-ray was flipped the wrong way the whole time. I had to lie to the patient that the tooth that I accidently extracted needed to go as well. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2016 at 12:25am / Malaysia (Perak) / Work

Today, I washed my boyfriend's work clothes, trying to make up for a fight we had earlier. After taking them out, I found his phone, wallet and keys at the bottom of the washer, completly waterlogged. This is not the peace offering I'd hoped for. FML

by bigbagofnope / 06/17/2016 at 4:17pm / United Kingdom / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to his house. I was planning on breaking up with him while at his house. Turns out, it was a proposal party. I'm now engaged because it would've been rude to say no in front of his family that had flown in. FML

by anonymous / 06/25/2016 at 11:50pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I was in a clothing store with my girlfriend. I saw the ugliest hat ever on a hat shelf, tried it on and said to my girlfriend, "Look at this ugly hat, it's absolutely horrible. It's even dirty." An old woman stood next to me said, "Well no wonder it's ugly, it's mine." FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2016 at 5:15pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

by wtf / 06/16/2016 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I opened up my laptop to replace a faulty chip inside, which took me half an hour. When I closed it all up again, I saw the replacement part in its packaging on my desk. FML

by stupidassgeek / 06/15/2016 at 9:22am / Australia (Victoria) / Geek

Today, I found out I got a 97 on my physics final exam. I was curious about the question I missed, so I went up to my teacher and asked. He was very confused and checked my grade again before telling me, "Oh my bad, it was meant to be a 79." FML

by Jokkim / 06/20/2016 at 2:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my friend I'm going vegetarian. He's now calling me "Reek" after the guy from Game of Thrones, because I'm apparently a "dickless loser" now. FML

by Reek / 06/22/2016 at 10:29am / United States / Miscellaneous