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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25129) - you deserved it (50032)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

#21268936
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19506) - you deserved it (39867)

On 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm - misc - by ThatNewCarSmell (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18079) - you deserved it (35042)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

#21271313
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22918) - you deserved it (33513)

On 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

#21269342
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18477) - you deserved it (30894)

On 10/02/2014 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10285) - you deserved it (23630)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

#21282480
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17983) - you deserved it (23411)

On 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by GetMeTheDamnBleach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

#21282666
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12641) - you deserved it (19502)

On 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm - misc - by Awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31026) - you deserved it (18168)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35177) - you deserved it (15764)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30356) - you deserved it (15101)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30886) - you deserved it (14239)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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