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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25190) - you deserved it (50176)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

#21268936
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19506) - you deserved it (39855)

On 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm - misc - by ThatNewCarSmell (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18235) - you deserved it (35312)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

#21271313
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22936) - you deserved it (33556)

On 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

#21269342
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18479) - you deserved it (30916)

On 10/02/2014 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11548) - you deserved it (26191)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

#21282480
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18420) - you deserved it (24128)

On 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by GetMeTheDamnBleach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

#21282666
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13117) - you deserved it (20217)

On 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm - misc - by Awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31073) - you deserved it (18213)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35223) - you deserved it (15782)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30429) - you deserved it (15151)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30933) - you deserved it (14258)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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