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Monday 18 November 2013

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Today, while swimming in the ocean, I felt some sand under my wedding ring. I took it off for a second, and got hit by a huge wave. My ring is now lost somewhere in the ocean. FML

by smiley1014 / 11/18/2013 at 4:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

by flavored / 11/18/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I realized I need to start hitting the gym, when my boyfriend actually utilized my love handles during sex. FML

by ericabearr / 11/18/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized that my 5 year old son has more money saved up in his piggy bank than I have in my actual bank account. FML

by poorman / 11/18/2013 at 5:14pm / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, I'm moving from Arizona to Washington State with my 2 cats in my car. I've only just left and just learned that one cat gets carsick and the other stress farts. Only 956 more miles to go. FML

by Catcrap! / 11/18/2013 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house at 9am to surprise him on our 1 year anniversary. In the process, I gatecrashed another celebration he was having with his second girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2013 at 1:53pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Love

Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML

by kb / 11/18/2013 at 1:38am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

by kids next door / 11/18/2013 at 5:14am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, my water got cut off. The previous homeowners owed the water company over $300, and the company doesn't believe that I'm not them. The supervisor told me this will keep happening until I pay up. I need a shower. FML

by Annonymous / 11/18/2013 at 1:37pm / United States (California) / Money