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Thursday 10 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

#20915065
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48277) - you deserved it (16255)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:40am - intimacy - by DisgustinglyFrustrated - Argentina (Santa Fe)

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

#20915004
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32953) - you deserved it (14256)

On 10/10/2013 at 10:11am - animals - by failure (man) - Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I took my car to be repaired. The mechanic put out his hand when he saw me, so I shook it. He just wanted my keys. FML

#20914766
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34250) - you deserved it (5908)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:22am - misc - by keyshame - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

#20915864
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42063) - you deserved it (4608)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:04pm - kids - by SlapAndTickle - United States

Today, for the first time in months, a woman started flirting with me. She was wearing a sparkly shirt with "Team Edward" written on it. FML

#20915931
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38762) - you deserved it (4359)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:50pm - love - by CreamGravy (man) - Australia

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

#20915293
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38640) - you deserved it (3139)

On 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by Lady Douche of Asscrackington (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

#20914908
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39188) - you deserved it (2984)

On 10/10/2013 at 7:27am - misc - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

#20914768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37275) - you deserved it (2869)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:25am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while despairing over having been rejected for my dream job, I received an email asking me to come back in for another interview. Then they called me to say they accidentally sent the email to all the applicants, and that they definitely aren't interested. FML

#20915163
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42054) - you deserved it (2784)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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