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Friday 20 September 2013

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Today, I thought it would be cool to hit a basketball with a baseball bat. Ended up in the ER with seven stitches. FML

by BabeRuth / 09/20/2013 at 11:33am / United States / Health

Today, my alcoholism reached a new low when I found myself sitting on the toilet drinking a bottle of wine. FML

by drunkenloser / 09/20/2013 at 3:22am / United States / Health

Today, thanks to Grand Theft Auto, I found myself seriously thinking about holding up an armored bank truck when I saw it in traffic. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 6:52pm / United States / Money

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 7:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

by fuckwank / 09/20/2013 at 4:31pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 12:57am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 6:45pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

by hoolagirl4422 / 09/20/2013 at 7:23am / Hong Kong / Love

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

by oops / 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck in through her window. FML

by disappointed / 09/20/2013 at 12:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 5:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was struggling to move a large bookshelf downstairs. Mid-way down, the weight became too much for me and I desperately yelled to my dad for help. He stood at the top of the stairs and said, "Cash or broken bones. How much's it worth, son?" I'm now £50 poorer. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 6:20pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Money