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Monday 19 August 2013

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Today, I bid on an item on eBay, only to find the exact item I wanted later while out in the city. I bought it, assuming I would be outbid, as always. Nope. FML

by Blink_me26 / 08/19/2013 at 12:50am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML

by xxSecretAngelxx / 08/19/2013 at 2:35pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed my coworker brought his kids but not his wife, so I asked, "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone thinks I'm an insensitive prick. FML

by insensitive prick / 08/19/2013 at 3:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I forgot to shut off some pumps before closing the main valves that run to them. Several sirens soon started blaring at a deafening level. I'm new here and nobody else is around. I don't know how to shut the sirens off. FML

by oops / 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

by Love stinks / 08/19/2013 at 9:06am / United States / Love

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

by AtomicDiamond87 / 08/19/2013 at 3:55pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

by FamilyLoving / 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML

by mamaflower / 08/19/2013 at 4:03am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

by bluerhhajfk / 08/19/2013 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

by iwannagotomiamitoo / 08/19/2013 at 12:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

by anonymous / 08/19/2013 at 1:41am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, my house will flood. FML

by Ben / 08/19/2013 at 2:21am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous