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Sunday 18 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

#20842536
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31455) - you deserved it (61577)

On 08/18/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by fail - United States

Today, after an argument with my wife, I stormed out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replaced yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML

#20843350
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38259) - you deserved it (15053)

On 08/18/2013 at 4:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for years. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said, "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML

#20844009
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45112) - you deserved it (13899)

On 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while working as a swim instructor, I started singing the hokey pokey to get all the kids used to putting their faces in the water. One of the kids was covering his ears. When I asked him why, he said "because you were singing." He's 3. FML

#20842523
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39264) - you deserved it (6042)

On 08/18/2013 at 12:35am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was to give a business report to several important shareholders. Right at the start, I broke into a coughing fit, then got so nervous that I froze up. When I tried to excuse myself, I tripped over my own feet. I'm now facing demotion for making the company look bad. FML

#20843443
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38490) - you deserved it (5065)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:23pm - work - by socianx (man) - Albania

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

#20843576
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39808) - you deserved it (4414)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by FMLdude - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

#20843210
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39290) - you deserved it (3884)

On 08/18/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by 12345678910 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML

#20843729
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44081) - you deserved it (3789)

On 08/18/2013 at 9:36pm - misc - by Having a pretty sister sucks. - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52109) - you deserved it (3116)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, my manager took me aside and angrily told me to quit fucking about with our customers. He totally refuses to believe that the slight whistling sound I keep making when I exhale is because I have a chipped tooth. FML

#20843134
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35500) - you deserved it (2734)

On 08/18/2013 at 1:29pm - work - by ssssssssuck a dick, boss (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48609) - you deserved it (2705)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I broke into tears at work after being told my aunt had a stroke. My boss told me to "suck it up, no one is that close to their aunt." My aunt adopted me when my mother passed away. FML



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