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Friday 31 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML

#20697165
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29337) - you deserved it (32064)

On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML

#20697878
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35973) - you deserved it (13354)

On 05/31/2013 at 6:42pm - misc - by nbj10 (man) - Singapore

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

#20696601
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59005) - you deserved it (12801)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

#20698016
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43846) - you deserved it (5406)

On 05/31/2013 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Guatemala (Guatemala)

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

#20698103
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43217) - you deserved it (4705)

On 05/31/2013 at 8:50pm - money - by speechless (man) - United Kingdom (Wirral)

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

#20696604
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49838) - you deserved it (3979)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML

#20697858
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36046) - you deserved it (3959)

On 05/31/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by theybitchaboutgnomesbutnotthis?? (man) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

#20697496
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48068) - you deserved it (3728)

On 05/31/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by whyme - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML

#20696622
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45101) - you deserved it (3028)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

#20697100
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35783) - you deserved it (2844)

On 05/31/2013 at 9:54am - misc - by cantwin (man) - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, some jackass in an Iron Man mask nailed me in the head with a quarter while I was helping other customers. Minimum wage isn't worth this crap. FML

#20696570
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35827) - you deserved it (2836)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:05am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

#20696605
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49781) - you deserved it (2461)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:20am - love - by wtf mom - United States (California)

Today, my mom has gone completely insane and insists we only flush the toilet or wash our hands at the start or end of the day, "to save on bills." My young sister thinks it's the best idea ever. My mom makes our food, and my sister just loves to touch everyone's faces. FML



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