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Monday 27 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

#20688904
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50476) - you deserved it (23450)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I was working at a place where if you're tipped, you sing. After a lady paid for her ice cream, she pulled out 5 dollars. Thinking it was a tip, I took it, and sang the song. She didn't mean to tip me. I was stopped by the woman slapping me. FML

#20690062
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41761) - you deserved it (13461)

On 05/27/2013 at 8:56pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML

#20689927
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52412) - you deserved it (11367)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

#20688903
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47922) - you deserved it (10285)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:16am - misc - by stupid (woman) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

#20689016
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44526) - you deserved it (8325)

On 05/27/2013 at 9:42am - animals - by Nearly Crashed (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I waxed my upper lip hair. My boyfriend later told me that he missed my mustache rubbing onto his. FML

#20689895
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45903) - you deserved it (5510)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:10pm - love - by mustache girl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML

#20688959
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39265) - you deserved it (4529)

On 05/27/2013 at 8:39am - misc - by docwinters (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

#20689621
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45837) - you deserved it (4027)

On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

#20688489
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56598) - you deserved it (3891)

On 05/27/2013 at 12:05am - animals - by scared-straight - United States

Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML

#20689207
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55852) - you deserved it (3328)

On 05/27/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by wow (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

#20689805
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44627) - you deserved it (3317)

On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with 4 other people, with one fridge. FML

#20688590
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43577) - you deserved it (2847)

On 05/27/2013 at 1:05am - health - by you're shitting me - Australia



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