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Monday 13 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

#20660609
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41759) - you deserved it (20685)

On 05/13/2013 at 11:06am - animals - by random (man) - United States

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46760) - you deserved it (8975)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

#20660573
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37962) - you deserved it (6656)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:16am - money - by psychopumpkin - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

#20661189
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46973) - you deserved it (5276)

On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

#20660939
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76961) - you deserved it (5266)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

#20660172
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40021) - you deserved it (4751)

On 05/13/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

#20661280
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38529) - you deserved it (3946)

On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML

#20660668
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37996) - you deserved it (3813)

On 05/13/2013 at 12:01pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while doing a fun genetics game in Biology, I found out that I was adopted. Turns out the game wasn't so fun. FML

#20661511
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54115) - you deserved it (3026)

On 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

#20661009
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41848) - you deserved it (2988)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

#20661106
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45303) - you deserved it (2894)

On 05/13/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by culodegrillo (woman) - Spain

Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML

#20660591
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46460) - you deserved it (2772)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:39am - work - by Confused (man) - United States (Maine)



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