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Monday 25 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML

#20521664
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29591) - you deserved it (7655)

On 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm - kids - by soaked (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

#20521590
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40669) - you deserved it (6772)

On 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I locked my keys in my truck. The good news is that I have a spare set in my house. The bad news is that my house key is on the same keyring as my locked-in truck key. FML

#20521895
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20820) - you deserved it (6676)

On 02/25/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by burning balls of fuck this - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he was thinking about us taking a break. After an hour of crying and him saying it would be okay, I accepted it. When I asked when the break would start, he replied, "What are you talking about? I only said I'd thought about it" and then laughed. FML

#20521204
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32494) - you deserved it (6160)

On 02/25/2013 at 1:10am - love - by Gullible (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I'm so poor that I've been scrounging around my house all day trying to find quarters and dimes so that I can buy myself a cup of coffee tomorrow. FML

#20521315
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22386) - you deserved it (5501)

On 02/25/2013 at 3:39am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, while at the nail salon, my boyfriend called. Since I was getting my nails done, I had to put him on speaker. The whole salon heard him break up with me. I can still hear their snickering in my head. FML

#20521938
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26882) - you deserved it (5212)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by HeatherRosure18 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML

#20521278
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26389) - you deserved it (3897)

On 02/25/2013 at 2:25am - animals - by Sammy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

#20522482
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49915) - you deserved it (3563)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by n3ov (man) - Pakistan (Islamabad)

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

#20521518
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29179) - you deserved it (3298)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

#20521929
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39331) - you deserved it (3256)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

#20521872
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47782) - you deserved it (3182) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)

Today, I came home from a rough day working two jobs to find a plate of cookies on my desk with a note from my roommates saying, "You deserve it!" I happily broke one in half to eat and discovered they contained coconut. I'm allergic to coconut, a fact both of my roommates are aware of. FML

#20521168
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29917) - you deserved it (3175)

On 02/25/2013 at 12:44am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was feeling generous, so I made my roommate's favorite meal for her when she got home. When she did return home, she flipped her shit for no reason, screaming that she would pee on everything I love. Considering our history, I'm going to start checking my things for urine. FML

#20522100
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24926) - you deserved it (2140)

On 02/25/2013 at 7:44pm - misc - by sniperkit (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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