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Monday 18 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today As Lame Excuse To Not Give A Guy I Met At A Club Phone Number, I Told Him I Didn't Have A Cell Phone. Guess What I Checked When He Asked Me What Time It Was A Few Minutes Later. FML

#20512812
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7616) - you deserved it (48726)

On 02/18/2013 at 10:21pm - misc - by hhhhhhhpeterwut - United States (Maryland)

TODAY I WENT IN TO GET MY FIRST TATTOO. I'D PUT A LOT OF TOUGT INTO IT AND WAS REALLY EXCITED WEN TE DAY CAME. LONG STORY SORT TE CELTIC KNOT I'D GOTTEN TURNED OUT TO AVE AN ALTERNATE MEANING OF ( FEMALE SEX SLAVE. ) TE FACES MY VERY IRIS FAMILY MADE WERE BEYOND WORDS. MEGA FML

#20511821
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17288) - you deserved it (44419)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:50am - intimacy - by UnluckyInk (woman) - United States (New York)

I felt like letting mah ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number... typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion... and sent it. The reply: ( No wonder he broke up with you. ) Thanks... whoever has that number now. FML

#20512366
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11091) - you deserved it (41082)

On 02/18/2013 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my wife mentiond tat se wantd to give me a tree-way. I was ecstatic, until se opend er rigt and, only to reveal a 3-way ligtbulb. FML

#20512105
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16360) - you deserved it (38607)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States

Yesterday , I was about to make out with my boyfriend , so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later , I started choking on the gum , and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

#20512214
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11374) - you deserved it (36413)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:11pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I purchasd a box of grl scout cookias from a coworkar. I wantd to sava tham 4 latar at homa, so I placd tham on mah dask an than haadd to a maating. Whan I raturnd, thara was an ampty box sitting thara with a post-it nota saying, ( Thanks! ) Nobody will own up to it. FML

#20512675
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25457) - you deserved it (5780)

On 02/18/2013 at 8:49pm - work - by erockinthesuburb (man) - United States

today I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her 4 the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

#20511747
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46365) - you deserved it (5118)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:09am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because mah husband thinks ( expiration dates r fir pussies. ) FML

#20511774
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36946) - you deserved it (4156)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I started at new job!! Te womano I'll be working rigt next to 40 ours a week introduced erself wit, ( I knowat your name is!! I knowat you're planning, an I've been sent to destroy you!! )

#20512419
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30918) - you deserved it (3416)

On 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm - work - by ari (woman) - United States

yesterday I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast an there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away , mah mother yelled , "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for u muddafuckas to show up." FML

#20511941
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36323) - you deserved it (3202)

On 02/18/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

today I met mah new class . There are two Kevin Smiths . Niether will agree to a nickname , they have the same hair color , an there middle names both start with J . They have told me to call them Kevin 1 an Kevin 2 . They both want to be Kevin 1 . FML

#20512577
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38733) - you deserved it (3072)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother looool took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave."

#20511803
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30202) - you deserved it (2867)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)



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