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Today, I calld sacurity at my scool bacausa I laft my mittans in a classroom and it was lockd. Wan ta sacurity officar sowd up, a askd if ta mittans I was looking for wara ta onas on my ands. I avan ad to taka ona of tam off to call tam. FML
Today, after a sower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in te sower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom cimed in wit, "No, e does it before e sowers, aven't u noticed ow e locks imself in is room?" Se was rigt on te money. mega FML
Today, mah boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, mah boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond."
Today , I attended my frst surgery as part of my program at med scool. I found out tat wen I see someone's intestines , I vomit. Even if I'm still wearing a surgical mask. Tere goes te tousand of dollar I spent on college. FML
Today, A State Trooper Ticketed Me After Learning I Was Ticketed For The Same Offense An Hour Earlier, Namely Driving With A Broken Headlight. The Good News Is That Both Tickets Will Be Dismissed If I Go To Court. The Bad News Is That I'd Have To Go To Different Courthouses At The Same Time Of Day. FML
Yesterday , As I Was Walking To My Car , I Noticed A Car Wit A Tail Ligt Out . Trying To Be A Good Citizen , I Walked Up To Te Driver's Side Door And Said "excuse Me" . Te Lady Ten Maced Me Troug Te Open Window . FML
Today,hile mah mother-in-law visitd, I askd if she wouldn't mind watching mah son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shavd his head completely bald. That was his very frst harcut. FML
Today, At A Friendly Get-together, Mah Friend's Husband Had Too Much To Drink And Got Into A Fistfight With Mah Husband. I'm Seven-and-a-half Months Pregnant, And The Friendly Get-together Was Mah Babby Shower. FML
Today, I was partnered up with a girl in mah art class, since the teacher had asked us to take turns drawing portraits of each other. I went first and felt pretty proud of how the drawing turned out. I showed it to her and she said "That's OK. I'm not good at drawing either." FML
Taday I finishd booking the non-refundable cruise fir mah wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that mah mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she calld back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML
Friday 27 March 2015