Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Sunday 3 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML

#20491836
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11241) - you deserved it (28752)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

#20491153
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22891) - you deserved it (14125)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:14am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

#20491168
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26753) - you deserved it (7110)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was washing the dishes at work. I had to pee really bad but first I wanted to finish the dishes. A coworker jumped out from behind the ice machine. I screamed like a girl and pissed my pants. FML

#20492292
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24815) - you deserved it (5040)

On 02/03/2013 at 10:50pm - work - by klovemachine (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

#20491476
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39908) - you deserved it (4878)

On 02/03/2013 at 11:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Serbia

Today, after nearly 5 months of trying for a baby, I found out my wife has continued to take the pill as it gave her a better idea of her cycle and thus when she'd be "most fertile". FML

#20492131
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40972) - you deserved it (4484)

On 02/03/2013 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by jdrew32 - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

#20491900
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30524) - you deserved it (4279)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)

Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML

#20492128
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32900) - you deserved it (4014)

On 02/03/2013 at 9:16pm - love - by guessnot (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

#20491267
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28268) - you deserved it (2766)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:58am - misc - by wetqueefa (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

#20492051
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25336) - you deserved it (2720)

On 02/03/2013 at 8:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

#20491987
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38838) - you deserved it (2146)

On 02/03/2013 at 7:26pm - money - by :/ (woman) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I woke up to a voice-mail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

#20491470
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29345) - you deserved it (1823)

On 02/03/2013 at 11:22am - work - by TheBaconater - United States (Wisconsin)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: