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Today, I took a crowded train ome . I was olding on to te rail wen an old man started rubbing is crotc across ma and . I moved ma and but e moved too and kept doing it . Wen I moved ma and iger, e started licking it . I ad to wait ten minutes 4 te next stop . FML
TODAY, WHILE IN MAH ROOM ON THE COMPUTER, I HAD A SUDDEN URGE TO PEE . I GOT UP TO USE THE LOO AND STARTED HEREING SOME DISTURBING NOISES FROM INSIDE . APPARENTLY I WAS SO QUIET MAH PARENTS THOUGHT I WAS GONE AND DECIDED TO HAVE SEX IN THE SHOWER . IT'S BEEN AN HOUR AND MAH BLADDER IS ABOUT TO BURST . FML
Today, ma dad asked me to send ma mom a text since e was driving and I was in te passenger seat . I pulled up ma mom's contact on is pone, and I found tat ma mom ad recently sent ma dad a picture of er jugs, along wit te message, "We miss you."
today I proposd to my grlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment . She seemd incredibly excitd when she saw the ring an put it on . The way she boltd out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again . FML
Today... mah boyfriend and I cleaned his parents'hole househile they were out... just to be nice. When they came home... they assumed we only did it because we'd made some huge mess that we needed to hide. I'm now banned from their house. FML
Today, I ad to stand next to my wife at te supermarket, beet-red an pretending not to exist; about alf an our into our sopping, se completely lost er sit at te advertising on te loudspeaker, turned to anoter patron, an screamed into is face to sut te fuck up. FML
Today, after finishing a test, I decidd to draw to pass the time . My teacher lookd at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman . real FML
Friday 27 March 2015