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Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Can't, bigamy's illegal." I still don't know if she was joking or not, because she keeps changing the subject whenever I mention it. FML

#21322691
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29481) - you deserved it (2497)

On 12/23/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML

#21322620
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34931) - you deserved it (3062)

On 12/23/2014 at 10:24am - love - by got any coupons? - United States

Today, I invited my deadbeat dad over for dinner, hoping we could resolve our issues and build a proper relationship. Just minutes after he arrived, I caught him stealing money from my purse. He actually said I owe him for raising me. He ditched my mom and me when I was 5. FML

#21255044
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43766) - you deserved it (3414)

On 09/09/2014 at 12:47pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

#21298452
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41695) - you deserved it (3046)

On 11/13/2014 at 5:20pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML

#21287500
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34414) - you deserved it (6645)

On 10/29/2014 at 4:19am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at the exact moment my uncle decided to bend over in short shorts. Apparently, his ballsack decided it needed extra room, because it dangled out of his pant leg. FML

#21283844
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35829) - you deserved it (2931)

On 10/23/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by Alexismaria - United States

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

#21284616
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33136) - you deserved it (2429)

On 10/24/2014 at 8:30pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

#21327005
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26284) - you deserved it (2509)

On 12/30/2014 at 4:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I took a army-mandated personality evaluation test. The results said I had a high chance of schizophrenia and multiple personality syndrome. Part of me says that the test is probably spot-on, the other part says it has to be a mistake. Apparently this is another sign of schizophrenia. FML

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

#21347765
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25882) - you deserved it (2414)

On 02/01/2015 at 1:13pm - health - by Why's it so cold in here? - United States

Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML

#21357283
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32795) - you deserved it (3275)

On 02/16/2015 at 11:39am - intimacy - by notdaddy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML

#21320485
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32742) - you deserved it (2469)

On 12/19/2014 at 6:27pm - money - by j4 - United Kingdom



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