Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

by biblio / 01/17/2009 at 9:55pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I left for vacation in Mexico. Upon landing, I received a text message from the guy I've been seeing. It read, "Sorry, I'm not boyfriend material. Have a good trip." I paid 75 cents to get dumped, internationally. FML

by springbreak09 / 04/01/2009 at 2:03am / Mexico (Quintana Roo) / Love

Today, my bank card was skimmed (copied electronically) and my account was totally cleaned out. I had only just got paid and don't get paid again for 4 weeks. The bank says it will take 21 days minimum to resolve. They offered me a credit card with a huge interest rate to help me get by. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2009 at 9:33pm / Australia (South Australia) / Money

Today, I was on a standing on a crowded bus going home after school. A wriggling 5 year old boy and his mum left the seat to get off the bus. Since no one looked keen to sit on the seat, I did, only to find out that it was covered in pee. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 7:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, my husband and I were looking for a new house. The open house we were in had a strange floral scent to entice the buyers. I am three months pregnant and have horrible morning sickness. I threw up all over the living room. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2009 at 11:15am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

by crap / 06/19/2009 at 1:34pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

by Dopeydancer / 09/08/2009 at 9:12am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Money

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

by THATguy / 09/21/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

by 1000dollarspoor / 10/07/2009 at 5:25am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2009 at 10:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, while in class, I noticed that someone had really bad B.O. I was seated next to an extremely ill-mannered girl, so I figured it was her, and thought to myself that if it happened again, I'd tell her off. Once I got home and took off my jacket, I realized it was me. I forgot to put on deodorant. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2010 at 4:44pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I snuck out of work 2 hours early. As I was speeding away so I wouldn't be seen, I rear-ended my boss as he was leaving the lower parking lot for a late lunch. FML

by Ilovelife07 / 01/14/2010 at 10:14am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML

by Namnack / 02/02/2010 at 2:38pm / Netherlands (Groningen) / Miscellaneous