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Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

#21410853
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30497) - you deserved it (2785)

On 05/16/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, my girlfriend confessed to cheating on me. Unfortunately, she's a pathological liar and I can't be sure if it's really true, along with half the stuff she tells me on a daily basis. Love is hard. FML

#21356609
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29646) - you deserved it (9908)

On 02/15/2015 at 11:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

#21341633
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31690) - you deserved it (9828)

On 01/21/2015 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by cuckolddreams - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML

#21316211
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29110) - you deserved it (2294)

On 12/12/2014 at 1:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a person in my class completing a project that was due two periods later and that they had just started in the bathroom. They got a better grade than me. FML

#21366872
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28719) - you deserved it (4462)

On 03/02/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by Anomaly - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that when a man in the row in front of you at a movie theater tells you to shut up, you shouldn't tell him to fuck off. He might be 6'4 with a short temper. FML

#21337906
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13874) - you deserved it (44567)

On 01/15/2015 at 10:15pm - misc - by whoops.. (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

#21402047
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31619) - you deserved it (9801)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

#21418223
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38955) - you deserved it (2286)

On 05/30/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by TooLoud - United States (California)

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

#21395495
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31313) - you deserved it (2116)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm - health - by khaoslife - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

#21338935
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29873) - you deserved it (6246)

On 01/17/2015 at 1:49pm - love - by wounded pride, intact cock (man) - United States

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

#21418416
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29501) - you deserved it (4536)

On 05/31/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by bonehead69 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was excited that my sister called me for the first time in months. She asked me to stop watching "Friends" so she could use the Netflix account. Now, I still have an absentee sister and no Friends. FML

#21346655
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24422) - you deserved it (2657)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)



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