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Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

by thatsnice / 12/09/2014 at 4:19pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML

by ohdearyme / 01/09/2015 at 7:06am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love

Today, my daughter put a doll in the microwave "to keep her warm". She's 17. FML

by wtfdaughter / 02/03/2015 at 11:59am / Brazil (Pernambuco) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my beloved dog. Why? Yesterday she asked me who I'd choose, and I honestly said that I would choose the dog. FML

by nodoggforme / 01/30/2015 at 7:13pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that the reason I didn't get the job that I have been working my butt off for over a year for is because they can't find anybody who can do my current job as good as me. I am too good to be promoted. FML

by hard work doesn't work / 03/13/2015 at 2:21am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2015 at 5:02pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Health

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

by biblepain / 03/27/2015 at 10:12pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML

by poor baby / 06/12/2015 at 12:51pm / Germany / Miscellaneous

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

by kalvin / 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Transportation

Today, some guy walked into the restaurant I work at and ordered enough food to serve the entire National Guard of Texas. He thanked us by leaving a $0.50 tip and shitting on the bathroom floor. FML

by kmctl / 05/20/2015 at 2:40pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML

by jared576 / 06/04/2015 at 11:01pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I crossed the street without holding her hand. FML

by GlueAndCarrots / 05/29/2015 at 11:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

by vkryss13 / 06/22/2015 at 3:10pm / Guam / Kids