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Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

by anonymous / 09/05/2014 at 12:17pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I told my mom that I got into National Honor Society and Beta Club. Most parents are proud but not her. She told me to get a job and that she was tired of my school shit. FML

by wtfmom / 10/07/2014 at 5:10pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation,, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2014 at 7:16am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

by thatsnice / 12/09/2014 at 4:19pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML

by ohdearyme / 01/09/2015 at 7:06am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love

Today, I was shocked to notice that my hair has started growing out entirely silver, supposedly due to pregnancy. I'm 19. Apparently, according to my aunt, "It runs in the family." FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2014 at 5:41am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I found out that the reason I didn't get the job that I have been working my butt off for over a year for is because they can't find anybody who can do my current job as good as me. I am too good to be promoted. FML

by hard work doesn't work / 03/13/2015 at 2:21am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my daughter put a doll in the microwave "to keep her warm". She's 17. FML

by wtfdaughter / 02/03/2015 at 11:59am / Brazil (Pernambuco) / Kids

Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

by biblepain / 03/27/2015 at 10:12pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

by kalvin / 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Transportation

Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML

by jared576 / 06/04/2015 at 11:01pm / Miscellaneous

Today, some guy walked into the restaurant I work at and ordered enough food to serve the entire National Guard of Texas. He thanked us by leaving a $0.50 tip and shitting on the bathroom floor. FML

by kmctl / 05/20/2015 at 2:40pm / United States (California) / Work