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Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML

#21125451
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36373) - you deserved it (4586)

On 04/28/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Cat vs. Dog - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from 3rd grade and figured out how to play the highest pitch note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of ibuprofen. FML

#21121712
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36660) - you deserved it (4993)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:28am - kids - by missmom83 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

#21124429
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36941) - you deserved it (5681)

On 04/27/2014 at 3:16pm - misc - by failureatlife - United States (Louisiana)

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

#21125786
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45260) - you deserved it (3531)

On 04/28/2014 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

#21131413
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45452) - you deserved it (22640)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by PCJJacket - United States (California)

Today, after finishing a two hour essay exam that will determine the future of my career, I realized I misread the question. FML

#21132154
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46226) - you deserved it (11514)

On 05/06/2014 at 5:11am - misc - by IBS (man) - China (Shanghai)

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML

#21151747
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43950) - you deserved it (5359)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:34pm - misc - by Anothermoose - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML

#21141244
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40011) - you deserved it (16919)

On 05/15/2014 at 10:34pm - misc - by NickJJ - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML

#21151195
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43423) - you deserved it (7082)

On 05/25/2014 at 1:35pm - health - by 5p4571k (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

#21154853
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38984) - you deserved it (5571)

On 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm - health - by angelamegan21 - United States (Florida)

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

#21187469
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53240) - you deserved it (5840)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by headdesk (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my psycho, animal-hating neighbour "accidentally" ran over my cat. This is the second time he's "accidentally" done this to a neighbourhood pet since he moved in, three weeks ago. FML

#21157136
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47166) - you deserved it (3527)

On 05/30/2014 at 1:28pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boyfriend paid a guy to tell me he was dead. FML

#21169011
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49384) - you deserved it (5847)

On 06/09/2014 at 11:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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