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Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML

#21325566
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34445) - you deserved it (2807)

On 12/27/2014 at 10:50pm - love - by Twysted91 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized that my new haircut makes me look like a movie star. Not Scarlett Johansson, no. I look like Lord Farquaad. FML

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

#21381199
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26707) - you deserved it (3205)

On 03/25/2015 at 9:10am - misc - by peele - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I was trying on a shirt and asked my boyfriend if he liked it. He replied, "If I say no, can we still have sex tonight?" FML

#21336880
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30021) - you deserved it (5702)

On 01/14/2015 at 8:58am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my brother and I woke up early to get a sneak peek at our Christmas presents. We found our parents having sex on the couch. FML

#21323779
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34483) - you deserved it (13445)

On 12/25/2014 at 4:13am - intimacy - by VCDUDE11FTW - United States (Ohio)

Today, at dinner, my downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not my phone that vibrates at that time. FML

#21343273
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30523) - you deserved it (4650)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

#21334630
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28542) - you deserved it (2077)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:46pm - work - by sadlrana121 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

#21325704
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28702) - you deserved it (7179)

On 12/28/2014 at 4:07am - kids - by angryman -

Today, I bought a small tub of coconut pieces in a bid to eat healthier snacks at work. I noticed that the chunks were a bit slimy, but thought nothing of it and kept eating. It wasn't until I reached the final few pieces that I noticed a huge black slug crawling across the bottom of the tub. FML

#21346678
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29783) - you deserved it (4871)

On 01/30/2015 at 6:00am - misc - by goodbyediet (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

#21342800
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41835) - you deserved it (2519)

On 01/23/2015 at 9:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

#21333974
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39012) - you deserved it (3061)

On 01/09/2015 at 3:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML

#21338246
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26145) - you deserved it (8587)

On 01/16/2015 at 12:09pm - misc - by phones - United States

Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML

#21340022
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30279) - you deserved it (3660)

On 01/19/2015 at 1:34am - misc - by momac86 - United States



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