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Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

by ishouldntdrink / 01/10/2010 at 10:11am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's officially been two weeks since I found out I have mono. It's also been two weeks since anyone has visited me, called me, or even emailed me. The real kicker? I'm now fired from my job because they can't believe I can have mono twice in one year. I guess I'm just lucky that way. FML

by blah / 02/01/2010 at 1:43am / Health

Today, I called my dad at his new wife's house to inform him I was all set to graduate from community college with my associates degree and that we needed to sit down and plan how to pay for the 4 year degree. To which he replied "all a girl needs is an associates degree". Thanks dad. FML

by Anna / 03/18/2010 at 8:20am / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML

by Matt / 06/27/2010 at 2:54pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

by longdrive / 07/25/2010 at 2:17am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, a few friends and I ran through sprinklers at our school until we were all soaked. Then we were told that they put fertilizer in the water. I'm soaked in manure. Now I know why it tasted weird. FML

by noraidk / 05/26/2010 at 2:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that if you don't wrap your hair around a bristled curling iron the correct way, you end up getting it stuck, not to mention frying it. Three inches of my hair is now in the trash. FML

Today, it's my birthday, and the only person that called me was my boss. He wants me to cover his shift tonight. FML

by unloved / 10/14/2010 at 6:10pm / Australia (South Australia) / Work

Today, while parking my car, I accidentally bumped into the car in front of me, making a small, barely noticeable dent. I felt bad, wrote an apology note, and stuck it on his windshield. An hour later, he replied by keying the entire right side of my car. FML

by immunizations / 12/11/2010 at 2:40am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

by pissedexworker / 12/18/2010 at 10:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

by gutted / 04/21/2011 at 4:33am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was the only passenger on a completely booked flight to have all their luggage left behind in another country. FML

by leftbehind / 06/10/2011 at 7:40am / Colombia (Antioquia) / Transportation

Today, my husband, who's a recovering alcoholic, and I are on holiday with our kids. He's decided he can have a few drinks because he deserves "a holiday too". He doesn't see why this should ruin ours. FML