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Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34798) - you deserved it (7267)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20181) - you deserved it (108)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

#21252777
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39119) - you deserved it (2577)

On 09/06/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by why me? - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML

#21258738
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39341) - you deserved it (2284)

On 09/15/2014 at 11:51am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

#21251459
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40000) - you deserved it (3411)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:31pm - work - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

#21272259
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38501) - you deserved it (4186)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:47pm - misc - by thanks babe - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44424) - you deserved it (3578)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34263) - you deserved it (3902)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

#21260092
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44513) - you deserved it (4150)

On 09/17/2014 at 3:48pm - love - by kitkat (woman) - United States

Today, I was eating a hot fudge sundae and I complained that the fudge was at the very bottom and I couldn't reach it with my spoon. My husband muttered "Fat girl problems." FML

#21260102
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38085) - you deserved it (12053)

On 09/17/2014 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39312) - you deserved it (2575)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

#21270711
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45628) - you deserved it (10053)

On 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by SadMother - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while running an event, my belt loop got caught in those metal whorls that outdoor chairs have. I couldn't get it undone and had to greet guests by standing up and bringing the chair with me, hanging from my ass. My coworker finally had to cut the belt loop to set me free. FML

#21266851
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28660) - you deserved it (3787)

On 09/28/2014 at 7:40am - work - by Abbynyc - United States (New York)



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