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Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

#21355947
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29912) - you deserved it (9246)

On 02/14/2015 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

#21352870
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23767) - you deserved it (9182)

On 02/09/2015 at 5:58pm - work - by tirf -

Today, I fell out of a window while trying to close it so no one would fall out. FML

#21366431
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30135) - you deserved it (4103)

On 03/02/2015 at 8:26am - misc - by meeeee! - United States (Delaware)

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

#21334376
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43345) - you deserved it (2750)

On 01/10/2015 at 8:45am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that he went soft inside me. FML

#21374265
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29531) - you deserved it (6521)

On 03/14/2015 at 4:22am - intimacy - by sa la vash (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

#21381072
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27817) - you deserved it (2775)

On 03/25/2015 at 12:24am - health - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

#6903052
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21719) - you deserved it (2212)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:56pm - misc - by fml_forever32 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband decided to be helpful and do all the laundry, including pre-treating all the stains. He felt that Clorox Clean-Up with Bleach would be the most effective. FML

#8374594
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21009) - you deserved it (3292)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found my company car wrecked in a ditch. Apparently, leaving it parked on an icy hill all night was a bad idea. I have to pick up my manager from the airport. FML

#8350634
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6864) - you deserved it (22420)

On 02/16/2010 at 8:29pm - love - by croleymd - United States

Today, I hadn't been out in two weeks, and I was looking forward to going to the beach with my friends. Instead, I rear-ended someone at a roundabout and had to go home. FML

#10664484
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8976) - you deserved it (19742)

On 05/21/2010 at 6:11am - misc - by CARnage (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got a call from a police department saying that if I didn't move my car from a store's parking lot within the next 15 minutes, they were going to tow it and charge me for the fee. I was at work and the reason I parked it there is because it started smoking and almost caught fire. FML

#8984403
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19123) - you deserved it (4405)

On 03/10/2010 at 10:03pm - misc - by ohemgee (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got through to the phone interview stage for a great job. When the phone rang, I answered and suddenly, spontaneously, burped really loudly. The interviewer hung up. FML

#9396047
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23786) - you deserved it (9801)

On 03/26/2010 at 5:44am - work - by urrrppp (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

#19032748
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9241) - you deserved it (16161)

On 02/09/2012 at 6:29am - money - by thatgirl34 - Australia (Victoria)



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