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Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

by morgie96 / 08/19/2014 at 12:11am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I got yelled, screamed, and cursed at by a customer until I was reduced to tears. This was all because I double-checked to make sure she wanted large fries. FML

by heretoserve / 09/27/2014 at 12:22am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

by Chansus10 / 10/20/2014 at 11:03am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, a girl said to me, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend". I hadn't said anything to her. FML

by CCrew42 / 11/20/2014 at 7:27pm / United States (Washington) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

by LonelyGuy / 12/15/2014 at 6:59am / Australia / Love

Today, I found out I was the top ranking sales person for 2014. What did last year's winner receive? An all-expenses paid weekend holiday. What did I receive? A ham. I'm vegetarian. FML

by Bahhumbug / 12/22/2014 at 9:24am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I got undressed in front of my boyfriend for the first time. His reaction? "You're chubbier than I expected". FML

by reallyson? / 01/12/2015 at 12:28am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my parents grounded me because I refused to do my little sister's homework for her. FML

by MovingOut / 01/15/2015 at 8:21pm / Saint Vincent and the Grenadines / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's 1 year old. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2015 at 9:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent 5 hours organizing my porn collection on my computer. What the hell am I doing with my life? FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2015 at 3:35pm / Bahrain (Al Manamah) / Intimacy

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

by jynxisadouchebag / 02/26/2015 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2015 at 11:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm / United States (California) / Kids