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Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

#21247893
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45497) - you deserved it (2791)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm - kids - by hannahka (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

#21304463
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31497) - you deserved it (4325)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28038) - you deserved it (3745)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML

#21221108
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40095) - you deserved it (5748)

On 07/26/2014 at 12:29pm - work - by PrincessPromotion (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's been 3 months since my dog scratched my 9 year old granddaughter after she walked over and repeatedly kicked him. My daughter has disowned me and won't let me see my own grandchildren until I have my companion of 11 years "destroyed". FML

#21343453
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36447) - you deserved it (2306)

On 01/24/2015 at 1:33pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Giurgiu)

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

#21253019
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44109) - you deserved it (3324)

On 09/06/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by StillPissedOffAtIrony (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

#21254463
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39740) - you deserved it (3642)

On 09/08/2014 at 1:56pm - health - by jkim - United States (California)

Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML

#21294686
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17040) - you deserved it (30760)

On 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

#21310722
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18930) - you deserved it (38653)

On 12/03/2014 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

#21316775
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31043) - you deserved it (2984)

On 12/13/2014 at 1:36pm - misc - by ehxtraordinarily pissed (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

#21346746
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25446) - you deserved it (6905)

On 01/30/2015 at 10:11am - intimacy - by Chemist-why (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML

#21341527
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39873) - you deserved it (2216)

On 01/21/2015 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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