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Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

#20795779
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39908) - you deserved it (5554)

On 07/21/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by what have i done with my life (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

#20792517
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57289) - you deserved it (3828)

On 07/19/2013 at 3:06pm - kids - by getmeoutofthiscountry (man) - United States

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

#20797431
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41334) - you deserved it (5886)

On 07/22/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

#20792281
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41408) - you deserved it (3835)

On 07/19/2013 at 12:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after being unemployed for almost two years, I was turned down for yet another job. The reason this time? I live too far from the job. I can see the building from my bedroom window. FML

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

#20809873
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40418) - you deserved it (12482)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by TehUglyLife (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband managed to set fire to half of our garden setting up mosquito repellents. FML

#20802186
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37903) - you deserved it (3100)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:10am - misc - by how (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

#20861177
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44620) - you deserved it (2618)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:44am - work - by smashyonewfloors - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

#20821917
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44968) - you deserved it (4431)

On 08/05/2013 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

#20842536
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31581) - you deserved it (61866)

On 08/18/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by fail - United States

Today, to help with my insomnia, I downloaded some relaxing rain MP3s and set them to loop. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep within minutes. Somewhere around 5, however, the sound of trickling water caused my bladder to empty itself all over my bed. FML

#20832201
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42791) - you deserved it (6156)

On 08/11/2013 at 1:24pm - misc - by just about pissed off (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, my mom put me in charge of her business's Facebook. Later, I was doing homework and took a Facebook break, changing my status to "So fucking boring." I'd forgotten to log out of the business account. FML

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

#20856552
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46542) - you deserved it (11430)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by crier - United States (Virginia)



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