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Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

#21349905
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32081) - you deserved it (3082)

On 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm - misc - by jamienicole1993 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

#21352870
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23839) - you deserved it (9193)

On 02/09/2015 at 5:58pm - work - by tirf -

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

#21364131
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26763) - you deserved it (5348)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:08pm - animals - by jynxisadouchebag - United States (California)

Today, I found out there's a support page on Facebook for people who have been "hurt" by me. FML

#21384648
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16853) - you deserved it (31161)

On 03/31/2015 at 9:41am - misc - by SupportPage - United States (California)

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26505) - you deserved it (2534)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend confessed to having feelings for me. I've been in love with her for a long time, so I was ecstatic. She doesn't see herself ever going out with me, though, because she's a couple of inches taller and can't imagine herself "towering" over her man. FML

#21378350
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34089) - you deserved it (2732)

On 03/20/2015 at 11:26am - love - by falling short (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

#21404933
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27347) - you deserved it (5882)

On 05/05/2015 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a customer yelled, "I'll bash your fuckin' face in, cunt" at me at 9:30am because we don't serve the lunch menu at breakfast time. Yes, the 15-year-old girl in high school is responsible for McDonald's entire menu. FML

#21424396
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29281) - you deserved it (1930)

On 06/11/2015 at 9:44am - work - by McFuckYouTooCunt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML

#1495
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22263) - you deserved it (2619)

On 01/17/2009 at 7:40pm - love - by sad sack. - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

#6894
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7276) - you deserved it (37121)

On 02/03/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by parishiltonsbff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I rode in the cab on the way back to my dorm from the airport. The taxi driver was on the phone and not really paying attention. I paid him and got out of the cab, but he drove away before I could get my luggage out of the trunk. FML

#355995
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71629) - you deserved it (5093)

On 03/15/2009 at 8:49pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my grandma gave me a gift (something she has never done before). I was so excited until I found out it was one of her overdue library books on dolphins. I feel so loved. FML

#1620964
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44095) - you deserved it (2728)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:35am - misc - by hawtpinkpanties (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I learned that when your gas nozzle does not automatically stop by itself the way its supposed to, they will continue to charge your credit card as the gas overflows out of your tank until someone notices and yells "turn the gas off". FML

#3995707
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16032) - you deserved it (49470)

On 07/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by haytia22 (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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