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Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

by koletatlow19 / 03/05/2010 at 12:23am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Work

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2010 at 6:05am / United Kingdom (Wakefield) / Intimacy

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

by honorstudent / 05/12/2010 at 10:18pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

by Mandy / 06/07/2010 at 3:27pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Love

Today, I ate lunch alone. None of my colleagues saved me a seat. One of those colleagues was my husband. He didn't even have the decency to move so that I wouldn't have to eat alone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 6:12am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Work

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold... and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2010 at 9:50am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2010 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex any more. FML

by ohyey / 01/28/2011 at 8:50pm / Norway (Vest-Agder) / Intimacy

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2011 at 4:36pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, my boyfriend woke up to me crying. He asked what was wrong, but before I could answer, he'd already rolled over and started snoring louder than ever, making the migraine I was crying about even worse. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2011 at 1:59pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, severely tired and pulling an all-nighter, I was editing documents at work. Eventually the words blurred together and "which" began to look funny, so I corrected them. I realized too late that I'd turned in the company's brochure with every "which" spelt as "witch". FML

by Donny / 08/04/2011 at 4:49pm / United States / Work

Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2011 at 12:11am / United States / Transportation

Today, at college, I found a lanyard with some keys and a YMCA member's card attached. Hoping to find contact details, I googled the name on the back of the card, just in time for him to return and see me looking through his Facebook profile like some kind of stalker. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2011 at 9:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous