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Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

#20589296
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43967) - you deserved it (9072)

On 04/14/2013 at 1:10am - health - by NoPeeGiven - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of two and a half years left me. To clear my head I decided to go for a drive. My car broke down on the way. The only mechanic I have ever used and trusted with my car is my boyfriend. Yes, I had to call him. FML

#20634352
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46578) - you deserved it (7478)

On 05/01/2013 at 4:21am - love - by brigie - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a big party planned. All but one of the guests cancelled. See you at 7, mom. FML

#20630222
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46236) - you deserved it (3644)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my mother met my sister's boyfriend for the first time. As we talked about it later over dinner she said she didn't like him. When I asked why, she paused for a second and said, "Well, he really reminds me of you." FML

#20611376
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39218) - you deserved it (3081)

On 04/21/2013 at 8:27pm - misc - by Ellwood - United States

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

#20638400
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45766) - you deserved it (3135)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:35am - work - by clutzasaurus (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML

#20622462
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53818) - you deserved it (2830)

On 04/26/2013 at 1:20am - love - by sad guy - United States

Today, a client refused to pay after I mowed her lawn. Her reasoning? I had entered her basement "without permission." I require on-site equipment be provided, and she kept her mower in her basement. I only knew it was in the basement because she'd showed me, and told me where the key was. FML

#20653784
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50011) - you deserved it (3155)

On 05/10/2013 at 4:24am - work - by Wealthyparrot (man) - United States

Today, I got into a car crash, in my own garage. FML

#20643761
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21437) - you deserved it (41138)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:51pm - misc - by LilaTheGreat - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML

#20631493
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43654) - you deserved it (3336)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:57pm - kids - by SierraCheyenne (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

#20645244
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53213) - you deserved it (4223)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:25am - work - by perfecttiming (man) - United States (California)

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

#20663096
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37209) - you deserved it (3208)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by Locked Out - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

#20650425
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25048) - you deserved it (50384)

On 05/08/2013 at 6:21pm - money - by Checkless chick - United States

Today, my daughter posted a beautiful, touching status on my Facebook wall for Mother's Day. It wasn't so touching that she'd just copied and pasted the one I wrote for her grandmother and sent it back to me, unedited. FML

#20658557
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42968) - you deserved it (3852)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:21pm - love - by mothers (woman) - United States



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