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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML

#20824837
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20029) - you deserved it (53684)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by why me?? - United States (Nevada)

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

#20782409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52628) - you deserved it (3458)

On 07/14/2013 at 4:08pm - love - by WTF (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

#20777593
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20553) - you deserved it (49883)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm - misc - by hellbound (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41735) - you deserved it (5326)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

#20798091
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41343) - you deserved it (12606)

On 07/22/2013 at 6:30pm - love - by RonnieG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

#20775966
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26011) - you deserved it (49172)

On 07/11/2013 at 1:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML

#20793573
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40326) - you deserved it (9786)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by imawesomeokay (woman) - Mexico (Jalisco)

Today, I went on a blind date and we seemed to have hit it off nicely. I asked him if he could drive me home. Along the way he stopped on a pitch-black road and told me to get out so he could take a picture. He then gave me my bag and drove off, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere. FML

Today, a coworker complimented me on losing weight, and said that she wished she could drop a few pounds too. I was too embarrassed to tell her that the only reason I've lost weight is because I haven't been able to afford to eat. FML

#20775505
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55626) - you deserved it (3491)

On 07/11/2013 at 2:20am - work - by shouldbehappyiguess (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML

#20775563
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28431) - you deserved it (36951)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, while lifeguarding at my local beach, I noticed someone having difficulty swimming back to shore. I ran out and swam him back to shore. Once we were on dry land, he cussed me out for "emasculating" him in front of his girlfriend. FML

Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML

#20797503
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47425) - you deserved it (3206)

On 07/22/2013 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a dance and saw a really cute guy. Glow sticks were everywhere, so trying to be cute, I took a broken one and dripped some of the glowing liquid on my chest. It made him notice me, but only for him to point out that I'd managed to cut myself and was bleeding badly. FML

#20801095
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22326) - you deserved it (46720)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:05pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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