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Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

#21316775
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31968) - you deserved it (3098)

On 12/13/2014 at 1:36pm - misc - by ehxtraordinarily pissed (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found three of my sister's dildos as I helped her unpack boxes for her new house. Jokingly, I said, "Why would you even need three?!" She actually explained. FML

#21334501
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31264) - you deserved it (10210)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by sisterlylove - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML

#21329462
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34448) - you deserved it (6822)

On 01/02/2015 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by I'll Make You FartCum (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's been 3 months since my dog scratched my 9 year old granddaughter after she walked over and repeatedly kicked him. My daughter has disowned me and won't let me see my own grandchildren until I have my companion of 11 years "destroyed". FML

#21343453
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37515) - you deserved it (2576)

On 01/24/2015 at 1:33pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Giurgiu)

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

#21334677
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29115) - you deserved it (2449)

On 01/10/2015 at 7:15pm - kids - by SadSister:( - United States

Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML

#21369958
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105) - you deserved it (13)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

#21335591
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32729) - you deserved it (2486)

On 01/12/2015 at 3:23am - work - by nick (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML

#21341327
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30781) - you deserved it (11859)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:10pm - intimacy - by chelse_elyce - United States

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

#21347486
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27085) - you deserved it (6555)

On 01/31/2015 at 9:29pm - misc - by WalkTheOtherWay - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML

#21341221
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30439) - you deserved it (4268)

On 01/20/2015 at 9:05pm - kids - by frozenpoo - United States

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

#21343482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34181) - you deserved it (2314)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:25pm - misc - by Elrond Hubbard (man) - United States

Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "zoinks". FML

#21352876
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26528) - you deserved it (5299)

On 02/09/2015 at 6:07pm - kids - by brazo667 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

#21355550
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33403) - you deserved it (3387)

On 02/13/2015 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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