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Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

#20084743
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19985) - you deserved it (2324)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML

#20144110
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20646) - you deserved it (2023)

On 11/02/2012 at 6:37am - misc - by annoyed - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned that last week, the UPS man gave my package to my neighbor for safekeeping. It was over five-hundred dollars' worth of merchandise. My neighbor left for Canada on Saturday. FML

#20160454
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23212) - you deserved it (1669)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:40pm - money - by siciliano12594 - United States (New York)

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

#20487736
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25331) - you deserved it (2056)

On 01/31/2013 at 3:27pm - work - by fuckit (man) - Italy (Lazio)

Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML

#20524057
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11902) - you deserved it (20692)

On 02/27/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by girlymae (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

#20663096
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38410) - you deserved it (3296)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by Locked Out - United States

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

#20679773
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38221) - you deserved it (13357)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:40pm - misc - by hobbit - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML

#20746334
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42007) - you deserved it (3710)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:23pm - work - by couch girl - Singapore

Today, I dropped my phone in the wet snow. I read that putting it in rice helps to get the water out. Three pieces of rice are now frozen into the power port, and I can't get the charger in. FML

#21034026
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39113) - you deserved it (12529)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:34pm - misc - by merrr - Canada

Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML

#21016650
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42103) - you deserved it (4114)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:38pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in bed staring at two red lights coming from my DVD player. They reminded me of the terminator movies, and I had to unplug it. I'm 23 years old and scared of The Terminator. FML

#21080429
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36301) - you deserved it (8703)

On 03/07/2014 at 10:41am - misc - by scaredypants123 - United States

Today, I'm 5 weeks pregnant and just found out that my boyfriend has such a phobia of holding babies, that he's going to be the one most in need of a diaper change when I give birth. FML

Today, I took my clothes off for a shower at an RV campsite. I started running the water when I noticed there was a pack of hornets in the bathroom. I stood there, stark naked, waiting for a chance to get out, for four hours. FML

#21184935
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40450) - you deserved it (5291)

On 06/23/2014 at 1:41am - animals - by callmeclarence - United States (California)



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