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Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

#20852599
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41075) - you deserved it (4245)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:05pm - kids - by thanks mom ¬_¬ (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

#20864621
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42807) - you deserved it (4873)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

#20855277
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42585) - you deserved it (3424)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by ocdistheworst (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

#20874035
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49193) - you deserved it (5352)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:15am - intimacy - by merpaderp14 (woman) - Canada

Today, I resigned from my job in favor of a higher-paying one. After I filled out and filed the necessary papers, my boss told me that I had been nominated to replace him when he retired in a month. His job pays at least twice what I'm now making. Thanks for telling me, asshat. FML

#20863852
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40268) - you deserved it (14086)

On 09/01/2013 at 11:18pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

#20861177
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42572) - you deserved it (2461)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:44am - work - by smashyonewfloors - Canada (Alberta)

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

#20886867
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19878) - you deserved it (30191)

On 09/18/2013 at 6:59pm - work - by Sunny (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

#20870154
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50500) - you deserved it (6286)

On 09/06/2013 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by jesus christ, dad (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

#20869873
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40833) - you deserved it (2430)

On 09/06/2013 at 3:01am - work - by lifesucks0925 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to visit my overly-posh mother for the first time in many years. Upon arrival, she kicked me out because my outfit did not follow the same color-scheme as her decor. FML

#20888617
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42866) - you deserved it (2905)

On 09/20/2013 at 1:52am - misc - by wat - United States (California)

Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML

#20895300
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34650) - you deserved it (12344)

On 09/25/2013 at 2:59am - love - by so_screwed - United States (California)

Today, I found out my roommate Skypes my friends on my laptop when I'm away. Not only that, he covers his face and shows them his junk. My friends no longer answer Skype calls from me. FML

#20886799
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38552) - you deserved it (4286)

On 09/18/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend and mother have been sending each other sexually-explicit picture messages. FML



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