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Today, while lifeguarding at my local beach, I noticed someone having difficulty swimming back to shore. I ran out and swam him back to shore. Once we were on dry land, he cussed me out for "emasculating" him in front of his girlfriend. FML

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

#20795779
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38475) - you deserved it (5385)

On 07/21/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by what have i done with my life (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was mistaken for my twin brother twice. This probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a girl. FML

#20807504
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44756) - you deserved it (4190)

On 07/28/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Mia (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

#20797431
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41048) - you deserved it (5859)

On 07/22/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML

#20797503
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46750) - you deserved it (3147)

On 07/22/2013 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a dance and saw a really cute guy. Glow sticks were everywhere, so trying to be cute, I took a broken one and dripped some of the glowing liquid on my chest. It made him notice me, but only for him to point out that I'd managed to cut myself and was bleeding badly. FML

#20801095
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22284) - you deserved it (46617)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:05pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after being unemployed for almost two years, I was turned down for yet another job. The reason this time? I live too far from the job. I can see the building from my bedroom window. FML

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

#20808417
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48277) - you deserved it (3524)

On 07/28/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by the un-loved child - United States (California)

Today, I asked my mum why she never had any children after me. She scoffed and asked if I've looked in a mirror lately. FML

#20825248
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45511) - you deserved it (4344)

On 08/07/2013 at 8:24am - misc - by noiguessitsbroken :( (woman) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

#20835654
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42531) - you deserved it (3786)

On 08/13/2013 at 4:19pm - love - by Zanovitch - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at the gym when I noticed a girl I like working out on the elliptical. I went to go say hi, but chickened out and went to run on the treadmill in front of her instead. I was so nervous that I tripped and the machine threw me headfirst into her machine. FML

#20839453
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39867) - you deserved it (8072)

On 08/15/2013 at 10:32pm - love - by ZeroLuck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML

#20835961
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38964) - you deserved it (3097)

On 08/13/2013 at 8:08pm - money - by What. - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

#20821917
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42925) - you deserved it (4231)

On 08/05/2013 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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