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Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML

by Zinfandel / 08/07/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2010 at 10:45am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:35am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I spent ages looking for a parking space at the mall. I saw a couple walking out of the mall and decided to follow them and take their space when they left. After following them for a good ten minutes, I realised they were heading to the bus stop. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 4:55pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing with my pet rabbit when my boyfriend discovered poop on his lap. As he brushed it off, I reminded him that there are a lot worse things in the world than rabbit poop. Almost as if on cue, my rabbit peed on both of us. FML

by RabbitOwner / 01/07/2011 at 3:22pm / United States / Animals

Today, while vacuuming my car, I discovered a hole in the floor under one of the seats. Unable to figure out where it came from, I took it to a professional, who informed me that a family of rats has been making my car their home for the last several months. How lovely. FML

by chi_chia / 03/24/2011 at 11:03am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I can't attend an interview for a great job because I have an exam. An exam I need to pass in order to have a great job like the one I'm missing the interview for. FML

by Username / 05/03/2011 at 11:24pm / Work

Today, a woman somehow managed to drop her wedding ring into the garbage at the fast food place where I work. I had to search through a full bag of half eaten food and soda to find it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2011 at 1:28am / United States / Work

Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML

by comedybreak / 10/30/2011 at 12:31pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, after spending hours putting up our tree and decorating it, it fell over and shattered the glass ornaments. FML

by anonymous / 11/26/2011 at 7:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 7:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML

by annoyed / 11/02/2012 at 6:37am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that last week, the UPS man gave my package to my neighbor for safekeeping. It was over five-hundred dollars' worth of merchandise. My neighbor left for Canada on Saturday. FML

by siciliano12594 / 11/12/2012 at 1:40pm / United States (New York) / Money