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Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

by Nickolas / 12/31/2010 at 12:58am / United States / Health

Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2010 at 9:13am / United States (Tennessee) / Money

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 5:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately, my kids used the wall for paper. Now I have red and blue crayon all over my bedroom wall. FML

by nicchick411 / 03/27/2011 at 11:17am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, after shopping alone at a grocery store, I was taking my groceries back to my car when a kid grabbed one of my bags and ran. Deciding not to risk leaving the rest of my groceries stranded, I didn't chase him. Later, I realized that was the bag my credit card was in. FML

by uncbballwins / 04/27/2011 at 12:21am / Money

Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML

by grubbieduc / 10/06/2011 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call about one of my applications. I wasn't able to answer it, but he left a voicemail. I've listened to it over and over, and I can't understand the contact information. He called from a restricted number. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2012 at 12:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I'm insanely hungover from a long night of drinking. I'm going to my nephew's baptism in an hour as his godmother. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 12:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

by forgotten / 02/27/2013 at 7:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, I was doing a little victory jig after finally sending out the last of the invitation cards for my wedding when I realised that I had forgotten to put the date of the event on them. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2013 at 8:13am / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic when I checked my weather app to see if it was cloudy outside. There was a window right behind me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

by I am not amused! / 11/03/2013 at 5:53pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love