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Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

#21270163
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43180) - you deserved it (3649)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

#21243070
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19055) - you deserved it (44555)

On 08/22/2014 at 10:35am - misc - by oops (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

#21291810
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41751) - you deserved it (6446)

On 11/04/2014 at 7:03am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

#21210956
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55813) - you deserved it (4145)

On 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by betrayed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

#21268339
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43586) - you deserved it (3978)

On 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

#21206881
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55706) - you deserved it (10973)

On 07/12/2014 at 10:00am - intimacy - by weeping_angel_ - United States (New York)

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
88 comments

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

#21248169
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35622) - you deserved it (8719)

On 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm - kids - by sam_666777 - United States (New York)

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

#21253639
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35500) - you deserved it (3938)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:11am - misc - by imgonnadie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

#21245090
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36705) - you deserved it (13772)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm - kids - by JackieD (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

#21219985
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18273) - you deserved it (48353)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:05am - animals - by fuckendog (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38744) - you deserved it (12851)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States



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