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Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

by patrickRafael / 12/29/2009 at 9:21am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I was accepted to college and received a scholarship equal to almost half the tuition. After sharing this news with my parents, I spent the next 35 minutes getting yelled at about how I wasn't allowed to go there because my boyfriend might go there. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2009 at 6:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was running late for work and realized I forgot to pay a bill. I turned on my computer to pay the bill and brushed my teeth while it set up. I had a mouth full of mouthwash and decided to pay the bill before I spit. Then, I sneezed mouthwash all over my laptop keyboard and screen. FML

by atleastmybreathisfresh / 02/28/2010 at 12:19am / United States (Ohio) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

 Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

by izhamilton / 02/20/2010 at 12:30am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I congratulated my friend for getting engaged. This is the fourth friend of mine this year that has become engaged. I haven't even had a boyfriend yet. FML

by Lonely / 03/11/2010 at 7:16am / New Zealand / Love

Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML

by Teresa / 05/28/2010 at 12:30am / United States (Kansas) / Animals

Today, I unpacked in my new, non-air conditioned apartment wearing nothing but underwear, a tank top and an apron to stay cool. Later, I realized I'd crossed through the complex to my car and the dumpster many times, and arranged my deck overlooking the parking lot, without ever donning shorts. FML

by WelcomeWagon / 06/28/2010 at 4:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2010 at 8:22pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

by Nickolas / 12/31/2010 at 12:58am / United States / Health

Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2010 at 9:13am / United States (Tennessee) / Money

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 5:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

by hellosir / 03/27/2011 at 1:55pm / United States / Health

Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately, my kids used the wall for paper. Now I have red and blue crayon all over my bedroom wall. FML

by nicchick411 / 03/27/2011 at 11:17am / United States (Illinois) / Kids