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Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

by Humiliated & Heart-Broken / 07/30/2014 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2014 at 6:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my brother got the same cologne as the guy I've been seeing for a while. Every time I'm with my brother I think about him, and every time I'm with him I think about my brother. FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2014 at 7:46am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2015 at 2:00pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2015 at 4:41pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Kids

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

by Strainer / 05/23/2015 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss confided in me that when a gay person visits his house, he discreetly follows them around and cleans anything they touched and everywhere they sat with disinfectant wipes. I've worked for him for 7 years but he doesn't know I'm gay. FML

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2015 at 10:06am / United States / Intimacy

Today, while working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sell dildos. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2015 at 11:22am / United States / Work

Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML

by Kerlane / 12/04/2008 at 10:45pm / Transportation

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

by / 12/30/2008 at 3:30pm / Money

Today, I decided to do a load of laundry. Two minutes into the cycle, I realized that I left my iPod in my sweatpants pocket. The washing machine door locks automatically and cannot be opened until the 40-minute cycle is up. FML

by DumbDinosaur / 03/09/2009 at 11:01am / United States (New York) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.