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Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML

#21100140
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44958) - you deserved it (3943)

On 03/30/2014 at 12:50pm - love - by starfishedasshole (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53738) - you deserved it (6845)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

#21129926
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39090) - you deserved it (3186)

On 05/03/2014 at 7:51pm - misc - by shylahrc - United States

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

#21116585
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39420) - you deserved it (4371)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

#21110479
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47288) - you deserved it (2976)

On 04/11/2014 at 5:58pm - kids - by babylove - South Africa

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

#21114779
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54965) - you deserved it (5694)

On 04/16/2014 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by MILF (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was texting a girl I like, explaining how she looks like an attractive celebrity. She responded with a picture of a very unattractive lady and asked if she looked like that. I told her if she had been caught in a burning building, then yes, that would look like her. It was of her mom. FML

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

#21124338
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43253) - you deserved it (6050)

On 04/27/2014 at 1:25pm - love - by Shit (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

#21123315
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54753) - you deserved it (25484)

On 04/26/2014 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Sniffles (man) - Ireland

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

#21137065
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51877) - you deserved it (7189)

On 05/11/2014 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

#21142903
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39583) - you deserved it (6518)

On 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by her mom raised her (man) - Mexico

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

#21139841
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36390) - you deserved it (4294)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug (man) - United States (California)

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

#21134831
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46952) - you deserved it (4311)

On 05/09/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by WTTFFFF (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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