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Today, was my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a 3 month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML

by not_so_sweet_sixteen / 03/16/2009 at 11:10pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML

by caiti / 08/05/2009 at 9:25pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML

by singlesoon / 08/25/2009 at 12:26am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

by embarassed / 10/12/2009 at 10:13am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that whenever a mistake is made at my work, my boss assumes that it was me, unless indicated otherwise, but he has never said anything to me about it because of my 'learning disorder'. I don't have a learning disorder. FML

by Brinty / 10/31/2009 at 1:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

by Rman / 11/02/2009 at 5:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

by random123 / 11/29/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I found out that my 2 week Christmas vacation my boss was talking about wasn't for this year, but 2010. I spent the day with my husband cancelling flights to Florida, and explaning to my 8 year old why we were not going to Disney World. FML

by mylifesucks / 12/01/2009 at 8:32pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, I found out that sitting in the third row at a 3D movie makes me vomit. Today I also found out that the big burly dude in front of me does not appreciate being vomited on. Now I feel nauseous and have a black eye. Not to mention I missed the last part of the movie. FML

by Queasy / 01/23/2010 at 7:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

 Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

by izhamilton / 02/20/2010 at 12:30am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML

by Teresa / 05/28/2010 at 12:30am / United States (Kansas) / Animals

Today, I went to the dentist. I had to get a tooth removed. In the middle of the procedure, the power went out. I had to sit there for an hour to wait for it to come back on. The anesthetic wore off before he started working on me again. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2010 at 4:34pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 8:05pm / United States (California) / Money