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Today, I watched my boyfriend flirt with a cashier and write down his number for her, through the liquor store window, while I sat in the car waiting for him to finish buying things for our "romantic movie night." FML

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

#20811031
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42632) - you deserved it (6020)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:42am - animals - by Bug8Frog - United States (Alaska)

Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML

#20796495
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47626) - you deserved it (3676)

On 07/21/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by sabrinatarmine_ - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML

#20821432
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41769) - you deserved it (4357)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:11am - health - by seriously? - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML

Today, my cousin decided it would be fun to get drunk before my wedding. During the ceremony, he got up on the stage and tried to do a stage dive into the crowd. He landed on my nephew and broke his arm. FML

Today, I suggestively asked my boyfriend to take a shower with me. He got in, washed himself, and got out, ignoring me the whole time. FML

#20852722
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49943) - you deserved it (7229)

On 08/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by -.- - United States

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

#20864621
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42857) - you deserved it (4875)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were discussing sports injuries, and I mentioned that I pulled a muscle in my crotch last year. He snorted and called me a clueless idiot because according to him, "girls don't have crotches". He's a med student. I sense malpractice lawsuits in our future. FML

#20850902
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43575) - you deserved it (3432)

On 08/23/2013 at 2:21pm - misc - by fucking financial ruin (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

#20864106
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40166) - you deserved it (7991)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:47am - health - by Jasmine_smilee - United States (Oregon)

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

#20854811
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43082) - you deserved it (3547)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:38am - misc - by 4_and_20_blackbits (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

#20859311
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53923) - you deserved it (6040)

On 08/29/2013 at 2:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 17-year-old son hacked off the legs of his bed with a saw. His explanation? "The bed looks cooler closer to the floor." FML

#20870098
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37969) - you deserved it (4516) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/06/2013 at 7:56am - kids - by Anonyme - France (Basse-Normandie)



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