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Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

#20934761
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42983) - you deserved it (4534)

On 10/26/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by CUCKOO (man) - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I like shoved me out of the way so he could talk to another girl. FML

#20964674
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48572) - you deserved it (4611)

On 11/20/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, during school, I passed out in the lunch line and hit my head on the metal rail as I fell. Rather than helping or expressing concern at all, my friends simply left my unconscious body on the floor. Why? They had to get to the lasagna before the cafeteria ran out of it. FML

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

#20972428
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39319) - you deserved it (3785)

On 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by paranoid neighborhood - United States (Florida)

Today, I got to spend all of my time scrubbing poop off the walls and carpet because my 2-year-old decided he wanted to 'paint mama a picture.' FML

Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML

Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook. I cared more about the spelling mistakes he made than the actual message. FML

#20994896
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36507) - you deserved it (10534)

On 12/16/2013 at 5:43pm - love - by dana (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dog played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

#20991879
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36631) - you deserved it (6314)

On 12/14/2013 at 12:05am - animals - by Crystal_Nicole - United States (Kansas)

Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML

#20984796
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48708) - you deserved it (3643)

On 12/08/2013 at 8:19am - kids - by blah! - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

#20983816
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47140) - you deserved it (5498)

On 12/07/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by john doe (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML

#20992504
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38077) - you deserved it (3557)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:05pm - misc - by take a fucking seat, gran (man) - United States (California)



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