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Today, my 15-year-old daughter said she wanted to become a "baby name expert". I chortled, until I looked it up. They actually exist. FML

#20896486
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33914) - you deserved it (4664)

On 09/26/2013 at 3:06am - kids - by anotherfmladdict (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mum dismissed my diagnosed schizophrenia as "too much time with those earphones in". FML

#20897726
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38363) - you deserved it (3022)

On 09/27/2013 at 3:56am - health - by awkwardology - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

#20927250
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44574) - you deserved it (5496)

On 10/20/2013 at 8:39am - health - by cantcloselegs (woman) - United States

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

#20905202
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45789) - you deserved it (5117)

On 10/02/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Sooz (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

#20911674
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40065) - you deserved it (4761)

On 10/07/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by BOHICA123 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

#20907372
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19438) - you deserved it (38365)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by vcarder (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to dinner with a guy I like and paid the $120 bill. After joking that he was an expensive date, he replied, "I laugh at how you think this is a date." FML

#20905656
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49426) - you deserved it (5708)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:14am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

#20926236
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45465) - you deserved it (5012)

On 10/19/2013 at 11:04am - misc - by sleepysophie (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

#20925456
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38066) - you deserved it (3082)

On 10/18/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by DocBastard, meet DocCunt (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

#20930715
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36336) - you deserved it (8124)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:43am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

#20928538
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32861) - you deserved it (6535)

On 10/21/2013 at 2:53am - health - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this time last year. She turned to me to say, "You would've loved it, it's a shame you couldn't come". I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday together. FML

#20938197
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37737) - you deserved it (2403)

On 10/29/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by Liv (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my brother and I got into an intense argument that ended up with us trading blows and having the cops called on us. Apparently I was "insulting his intelligence" by trying to explain that you don't make buttermilk by putting butter in milk. He's 18. FML



FML's blog

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  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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